I have been scrolling on lunch and I came acros a reddit post that reminded me of something I learned the hard way.

Dom's you need aftercare too.

For me I learned this after a particulairly rough Rape Play Fantasy. It was the first time this particular individual and I met, I took all of the precaustion to make sure she felt safe yet in the moment. Safe word, a trigger phrase at the very beginning of the scene to reassure her that I am who she was talking to, following her hard limits, and making sure she knew that I would be checking on her after the scene was over.

Part of what she craved was to live in the moment, no talking about Fetlife, no talking about our rules, no asking if she was ok while I was there, Use her and leave her. I did this, I did this well, and as soon as I was out there door I had made sure she had a message waiting. Are you ok? What are your thoughts? Are you in a good headspace. She was and we exchanged some messages recapping the events of the afternoon, and then it all went silent. My first and primary concern being..... is she really alright? Or did this just hit her? Given she was very outspoken about her needs up until this point I am sure she was. Her hitory on the dating platform was admeittedly sporadic. She would get on search out what she wanted, and then you would she see was idle for months. So this fits that.

But, then what I realized is that I wasn't ok. I (consensually) raped a woman, I beat her with my belt I fucked her, i used her mouth. Yes all things I have done in the past, but in the past there alawys was conversation, laughter, cuddles, and a mutual reassurance of all is well. All is ok. Not this time, I can tell she was new to the scene, but bold, acting on her dark desires, I didn't think to make it clear that I was going to need more after we were done. Part of it being, I really needed to make sure she was truly ok. That in the hours, days, and weeks following it she was still in a good headspace about it. I never thought of how empty I would feel without that closure, even if it was a one off thing. I respected her, but I didn't make sure I respected myself and she was too new to know I needed such respect.

I still wonder to this very moment what happened, hoping all is well. To be honest it has scared me away from CNC with a new partner, no matter how many percuations are taken.

Please Doms, sadists, masters, predators. Above all else, respect your partner, but also don't forget to care for yourself.

You aren't weak for telling a partner you will need aftercare as well.