“Do you trust me?” You watch me intently as I weigh the little tablet in my palm. It feels heavy in my mind, weighed down by the unknown, laced with promise. Yes, I trust you. Of course I trust you. But that’s not the point.

“I trust you, love,” I meet your eyes and try to let you see into my core, to show you that there’s no need to ever doubt how much I do, indeed, trust you. “And I want to be all yours, Daddy.” Before I can change my mind, I place the drug on my tongue, bring the beer bottle to my mouth, take a sip, and swallow. Warning signs are blaring in my mind, but I choose to ignore them while I try to keep my breathing under control. I keep drinking until the bottle’s empty.

You’ve been watching me like a hawk all this time, your face unreadable. You only relax now that I’ve finished my drink, releasing the tension that has been building in your body. A grin starts to form on your beautiful face. And the more it widens, the heavier the feeling of dread in my stomach grows. No, not dread, I silently correct myself, fear. Alongside it, burning at least as hot, is arousal.

You step behind me and put your arms around me, holding me tight, your chin on my shoulder. Your lips graze my ear. “Such a beautiful, wickedly smart babygirl,” you whisper softly, before your voice hardens. “Such a stupid, reckless decision.” I blush; you chuckle and grip my chin, tilting my head up. “All mine. Completely powerless. Weak.” This time it is dread. Dread, defiance… and unrivalled, blazing lust. Not enough to snuff out that defiance, but plenty to explain why I took the pill you offered. I want what I struggle to do while sober; to fully submit to you, to go beyond that final reserve of dominance and completely let go. To be yours.

My vision starts to spin, my world slowing down. I’m suddenly very aware of my breathing. You make me face you, your hand still firmly on my chin. Forcing me to look up at you. Hungry, I realise, you look hungry. A thumb is caressing my bottom lip. I’m pretty sure my eyes are glazed over by now. It’s strange; I feel detached from my body and hyper aware of all sensations at the same time. My heart’s pounding in my chest. Your finger trails down the front of my throat. Taps my skin as it dances across my collarbone. My longing for you is digging its hooks further into my stomach with every touch. I’m on my toes now, trying to kiss you. You reposition your hand, no longer gripping my chin, but gently placing it high around my throat. “You’re not having me today, pet,” you breathe, your lips tantalisingly close to mine. “But I surely will be having all of you.”

My mind is still reeling from that statement as you push me, gently guiding me. Physically, I stumble and fall onto the bed, caught by soft bedding. Mentally, I keep falling, down, down, down, through a neverending fog.

Your touch is electric. Up my arm, down my sternum. I’m naked. It’s a startling realisation. I don’t remember undressing. Or getting undressed. A slight panic rises in my throat. What am I doing? I try to give voice to my hesitations, but what comes out of my mouth is unintelligible. It succeeds in getting your attention nonetheless. You cradle my face in your hands, love pouring out of your eyes as you look at me. Love for the trust I have in you, love for my willingness to surrender, love for me wanting to hold nothing back from you. “You are lovely,” It’s raining soft kisses on my face while you comfort me. “Beautiful,” Your fingers massage my earlobes. “Precious,” My breathing slows as I let you ease me back into a fuzzy drowsiness. “And I promise I won’t do anything to you that we haven’t already done and both enjoyed.” Your teeth nip at my neck. I let out a soft moan. “My darling, exquisite… weak, little girl.”

Fuck. My need for you slams into me, flooding my brain and body. It’s so immense that I don’t know whether I tensed up or melted. I want to crawl at your feet. Desire is spreading through my insides like wildfire, engulfing and subsequently erasing all previously remaining hints of doubt and resistance. Have me. Take me. I can’t speak, but my body is an open book to you. You chuckle, sending a lightning bolt of pleasure down my spine, and move away from my face. A soft touch on the inside of my upper legs. The tiniest bit of gentle pressure convinces them to part for you. I hold my breath as I feel yours on my cunt, desperate for your mouth.

Your fingers spread my lips, massaging me, not quite close enough to my centre to satisfy me. I can feel your burning gaze while you examine every bit of skin between my legs that I possess. My cheeks are burning, humiliation coursing through me. Fueling the craving that soon finds its way out through my mouth and makes me groan. “You’re such a needy little slut for Daddy,” you mumble hoarsely. You look up at me with dark eyes, holding my attention hostage. I see your pointed tongue escape your mouth; feel it drawing a straight line up from my cunt, only to stop just before reaching my clit. I want to throw my head back, but I’m unable to look away. Again, your tongue, sliding between my wet lips, stopping just a moment too soon.

You tease me. Relentlessly. Repeating that one frustratingly short movement again, again, again. I’m mesmerised by your face. Again. I can see your nostrils flare, indicating that your patience isn’t endless. Again. Your hands, still keeping me wide open. Again. My pussy, dripping down my ass, onto the bed. Again. I want to scream, but there’s no sound coming from my mouth. Again. My hands are balled into fists, clenching the linens so tight that my knuckles have turned white. Again. It’s too much. Again. I whine.

Your eyes widen, your tongue falters, your hands still. I can feel your hot exhale.

You moan.

You bury your tongue in my soaking hole, causing me to whine louder. Broad, long strokes, ending in a flick across my clit, cause me to finally arch my spine and neck. I throw my head back, eyes closed. I’m drowning in pleasure. Your fingers plunge deep inside me. There’s not a shred of mercy in you as you zero in on that one tiny nub and unleash your tongue on my clit.

I come undone.

You rip the orgasm from my body. Ruthlessly, you show no signs of stopping as my moans turn to desperate whimpers. Shock is seeping through my mental haze. You’re speeding up. I writhe in an attempt to escape your unrelenting assault. It’s no use; your hands grip my thighs, your fingers digging into my skin. Pain and pleasure conflict within me, strengthening each other, building up towards another release. You clasp your mouth around my clit, ever lashing me with your tongue, alternating pressure with suction.

This time, I scream.

You finally let go of me, and that’s the only reason I don’t black out. I feel like I’m in a stop motion picture, blinking in and out of existence as you flip me around on my stomach. “Fuck, babygirl,” you grunt, and roughly drive the entire length of your cock into me. I’m wet enough for it not to hurt. Still, I gasp, unprepared. It takes me three strokes to adjust, to not feel like I’m being split in half. Immediately, I feel a finger slowly working its way into my ass. God, yes, I think, as I dive right back into that vast ocean of pleasure.

You add a second finger. The ocean becomes a sea of glass, rippling with desire and lust. There’s an itch somewhere in the back of my mind, as if I’m forgetting something. Annoyed by the brief distraction, I push it way, way down, easily drowning it out with your assault on my senses.

You’re bent over me, your chest resting on my back. “You’re mine, little one,” you mutter, kissing my neck. “I own you.” You’re slowing down, grinding instead of thrusting into me. “I’m sorry, babygirl,” I’m confused; you pull out. “Daddy needs you.” I feel something pressing against my asshole, and it’s much larger than a finger. “You’re such a horny, drugged little mess for me,” The sea of glass shatters and I’m sinking down into the thrashing tendrils of the dark emotions at my core. “I know you don’t want it, but I do.” Fear engulfs me; you’ve only ever used one finger. You’re panting, the lust audible in your voice. “It’ll be over soon. Just be a good girl and take it, for me.” I try to speak, tell you no, but still, words elude me. The pressure builds, and you push.

Tears are streaming down my face, the pain blinding me. I’m lost. Confused. Because despite everything, I can’t deny the arousal roaring within me, answering to your words.

You enter me slowly, giving me brief moments of respite while you inch your cock all the way inside my ass. The initial flash of pain has subsided. It still hurts, but it’s manageable. Barely. Suddenly you gasp, thrust once more, and you’re in. I cry out sharply. You hold still, hands on my hips, preventing any escape. “Shhh, baby, just relax,” you say hoarsely as you gasp, “God, you feel so good.” My cries turn to sobs. Your hands are kneading my ass, distracting me from the pain. A little. “Good girl. You’re such a good, weak, little girl for me.” I can’t help it, my feelings all jumbled, every single one tripping over another.

I relax. I moan.

“Fuck yes,” you breathe, as you immediately start thrusting into me. Any inhibitions you still had are gone in an instant. Your moans, shudders, gasps, grunts… they turn into the most wonderful symphony. My tear-filled eyes roll back, a conflicting mess of pain and ecstasy pulsing through my body. Your one hand finds my breast, squeezing my nipple between two fingers.

We explode together.

I do black out this time. When I come to, I’m home in your embrace. You’ve nestled my head under your chin, up against your chest. I can’t see your face, but the tension in your body is obvious. I hesitate for a moment, wanting to be sure of myself. I kiss your chest to get your attention before testing my voice: “Can we do that again?” It comes out of my mouth like a soft, velvet whisper. And it’s enough to wrap you up, comfort you. You relax, your relief so big it fills the room. I smile, lovingly nuzzle my face deeper in your beard, and drift off to sleep.