I was advised to post this here so here it goes.

I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual but there's always been an asterisk on sex for me. The atrerick is that sex itself doesn't turn me on without particular foreplay before it. I don't consider myself asexual and definitely enjoy PIV sex but it's the non-sexual play and teasing that happens between partners that turns me on. Playfullness thats not directly sexual but is chemistry building. The pg-13 teasing you do when you flirt with your crush when your young. The dragging a single finger over your arm and your partner knows what it's doing but acts like they don't.

Then there's the tease and denial. Not the hardcore stuff but, like above leading to the softcore version of it in bed. But the stuff before that, the not-implicitly sexual stuff– is there a name for that?

A lot of guys don't understand me when I tell them that if you want to make me wet it's not going to happen by grabbing my tits or fingering me. Even when I tell them exactly what to do without fail they immediately revert to doing what they want or think will work. I shut that down quick. That only works when I'm already turned on. Sex doesn't turn me on until I'm already turned on. That's how I know to some degree I am demisexual.

Anyways I don't know if there's a term for this beyond demi or if this is the community that would know. Something that could help me find and connect with future partners better would be having the right terms to describe my sexuality.

Edit: left out specific details.