Hi everyone. I’m a 40-year-old man based in Yorkshire, England. I’m single, never married, with no kids, and am looking to meet a younger woman for a relationship involving spanking.

The kind of dynamic I’m looking for is partly an old-fashioned one between a man and a woman. One where I take the lead, providing protection and support and guidance for my partner, who in turn looks up to and places her trust in me. A relationship where I help my partner to be the person she wants to be, which might include setting rules and boundaries, and enforcing them in ways we agree, including spanking. Communication and overarching consent are key though - this is something we’d need to work up to slowly and by mutual consent. I’m a caring, loving guy and not a sadist, so it’s all about approaching things in a way that works for us both.

For some reason, I find shyness and nervousness attractive, and I like to provide guidance to the girl I’m with, as well as emotional support and reassurance, lots and lots of cuddles (especially with my partner sitting on my knee), holding hands, physical affection, and forehead kisses. I will also be firm with you when it’s appropriate, but communication on this is really important. I love to look after my partner and make her feel safe, and I think I’m pretty good with people who are on the shy or anxious side, or who are nervous because of inexperience.

I have a fair bit of experience of spanking and I love the emotional and physical intimacy that goes with it, whether it’s for fun or for discipline. Whatever the context, spanking is something I like to do in a loving, caring, and (unless it’s serious discipline) fun way, not violently or sadistically. But the spanking and kink worlds often seem to be focused on casual, superficial encounters or extreme pain, none of which has ever been my thing. For me, the most important thing is the psychological connection that comes with getting to know someone well over a long period of time and being trusted by her to take control.

The ritual of spanking is really important too. Warning you that you’ll be spanked if you misbehave, sending you to the bedroom to wait for me, standing you in front of me and scolding you, placing you over my knee, removing your clothes as the spanking progresses to your bare bottom, and cuddles and reassurance afterwards. I’m looking for a loving, caring, emotionally intimate, long-term connection. Everything else is secondary to that.

Other than that, I’m also looking for someone who is submissive in the bedroom - but again this is something I’d expect to develop organically over time as we get to know each other; it’s not something to rush into on day one. So I’m looking for a girl who dreams of finding a man who will patiently and carefully take the lead with her, and to whom in due course she will want to give herself completely. I’m not a bully or a whips-and-chains kind of guy. It’s all about subtlety and the psychological connection, about you choosing to be submissive to me because you trust and respect and (in time) love me, not me beating it out of you. (Although if you’re a little bratty or naughty from time to time, you will of course find yourself over my knee!)

Although I’ve started with the kinky stuff, that’s just because it’s the hardest thing to find. It’s also important that any relationship works in normal ways first and foremost, so we need to have things in common besides kinks, and I would expect to start as friends and to get to know you and build up to all of this slowly and in a ‘normal’ dating way. Initially this would mean mostly SFW chat online, and once we’re comfortable then swapping SFW pics, then a phone or video call, and eventually meeting for a drink or a cup of tea in person. I try not to be glued to my phone all the time, so I’m not the best at non-stop texting for long periods, so it’s important to move things into the real world when we can. I’m happy to swap SFW photos before we meet, but I value my privacy so will want to chat for a bit first. I’m also entirely monogamous; I’m happy to chat to multiple people initially, but if we get to the intimate dating stage then I would expect that to be monogamous.

It’s really important that we build trust and understanding before moving to anything physical. I’ve no interest in being physically intimate with someone unless we’re exclusive. This is all really intimate stuff, and it’s not something I want to do with a stranger. You need to know me and trust me to take care of you and to handle that responsibility appropriately, and I need to know and understand you to make sure I’m acting in your best interests. Slowly is the only good approach to this.

In the normal world, I’m 6ft tall, about 175 lbs, slim, and in decent shape (with blue eyes and dark brown hair). I’m intelligent, well-educated, attractive (so I’m told!), and reasonably successful. I’m honest and genuine, and I value integrity and a sense of right and wrong. I’m naturally a bit reserved, but also sociable and adventurous. I tend to see the lighter side of life and think that laughing is often the most important thing. I like to spend time outdoors (camping and walking), I love reading and quiet nights in, and I often watch films and TV series and go to the theatre or to see live music with friends.

I tend to be attracted to slim/petite, feminine women who like ‘traditional’ roles and activities. You’ll probably be in your mid to late 20s or early 30s, but for the right person age shouldn’t be a barrier, so don’t let age stop you contacting me (adults only though, obviously). I’d love to meet someone intelligent, caring, sweet, genuine, and loving. Someone curious about the world, who dreams of meeting a man she can grow to trust and respect. At the risk of sounding shallow, while I’m no supermodel and I’m not looking for one either, it is important from an attraction perspective that you’re on the slim side and in reasonable shape. I’ve overcome my share of health issues over the years, so that kind of thing doesn’t bother me, but being in decent shape and looking after your health and fitness is important to me.

I’m not looking to have children, so if that’s a dealbreaker then I’m not for you. (It’s not that I don’t like children - I have a good reason. Just ask and I’ll be happy to explain.)

It’s also important that the kinky aspect of our life stays behind closed doors. I’m an outwardly ‘normal’ guy with normal friends, hobbies, a decent job, etc - and nobody would ever guess that I’m into the things I’ve described. So it’s important that (if and when we get to that stage) you could fit in with this and function in normal social settings. Shyness is totally fine (and often adorable!) - I just don’t want to be with someone who’s going to brat out and make a scene when meeting my friends!

Well done for reaching the end of my essay! :) If it sounds like we might get on, drop me a message or a chat request. Even if you don’t think we’re compatible because of distance or whatever, if you think we have some things in common then feel free to say hi anyway. I’m interested in making friends here as well. I try to avoid spending my whole life glued to my phone, so don’t worry if it takes me a day or two to reply - I will respond as soon as I can.