Hot single mum, here, standing at 5’2 looking to change all the worse luck she’s had in terms of men. South Asian, Arab & Persian heritage-born and bred in London; doe-eyed, silky tresses and a ‘come fuck me now’ figure. Think Princess Jasmine, only hotter. That’s probably got all of you hard. Read carefully on though, for how you reply will matter

First of all, I’m currently (this may change) only looking for American men. The accent gets me off. I know this is not rational but neither is this thread. I may expand my search criteria if I don’t get enough good responses. So please start your responses with your national anthem

Secondly, I am NOT just looking for an FWB. I do want a good fuck (God knows I deserve one) but you need to be open to the possibility of this becoming much much more. So you MUST be single and actively open to a serious relationship. If you have kids too, great. If you don’t, you need to like / want them. Otherwise, imagine me and go have a good wank. For those of you who’re still nodding along, please tell me how you see a perfect relationship unfolding. That’ll earn you points.

Finally, as I said, I’ve had some real bad luck when it comes to the men in my life. I need you to be emotionally mature and capable of empathising. So in your responses, I’d also like you to tell me when you had your last cry. Pixar films won’t count, sorry.

Non-Americans reading this: I truly am sorry. But I need to prioritise (for now) somehow. If you still want to show your interest, I’d ask for you to also start with your national anthem and tell me how you believe that good things come to those who wait. If I don’t like the American responses, you’ll get first dibs on my attention

Finally: I normally tend to go for big bearded men with Dad bods and lots of tats. Having said that, the most awesome guy I’ve never met ticks none of these boxes and has convinced me to be more open in my criteria. So don’t be a dick, don’t send dick pics, show you can read, be a good human being and you should be fine

Right then, this should suffice. Over to you