Hoping to maybe cross paths with the one who could end up being my last eventually, although I know this person is like a unicorn. I am not ready for a new relationship right now, but would love to at least meet and form a friendship and connection, if possible. This post will be long as I hope to one day meet my forever person.

In the end, I don’t just want a kink partner or chat buddy. I am hoping to meet the one who would eventually become my everything one day, in person.

Note: I just want to be friends for now, get to know each other, no expectations. It also takes me a lot of time to build up an attraction with someone if the chemistry is there. Please don’t be in a rush with any of this. The longer it takes, the better it becomes.

About me:

42 (people never believe my age), work part-time remotely, mixed ethnicity, chubby/curvy smaller plus size hourglass shape, 5’4, brown hair/eyes, olive complexion. Never smoked, done drugs, or been drunk. No tats, no piercings except my ears. My pic is in my profile and will voice when the time is right.

INFJ introvert, old-fashioned, tradfem (traditionally feminine), soft-spoken, creative, deeply passionate, deep thinker, homemaker at heart. Submissive with a masochistic and babygirl side. But babygirl is part of my personality even with vanilla, so you should know that I love cute things. I can also be a little cheeky if I like someone.

I have so many ideas that I have too many creative projects that never get finished. When there is something I want, I want to just make it. I’m obsessed with spreadsheets.

I love cooler weather and hate high temps. I’m a night owl at heart.

I’m drawn to darker things such as paranormal, obscure, true crime, some deviant ideas, weird psychology, and more.

I am sensitive to my environment and I love to experience the true nature of being and of my surroundings. I look for truth and meaning in everything. My mind is always trying to make sense of what I experience. I have a deeply spiritual type of connection with nature and the past, in a historical sense.

I have a lot of diverse skills & hobbies. I can put together a website start to finish, build 3D objects, design graphics, draw, craft, knit, organize a project, crochet, cook Thanksgiving dinner, bake a cake or pie from scratch, and more. I enjoy doing these things, but what I crave most is something more.

Things I love (vanilla):

Nature, hiking, the smell of the woods, walking, working outside in the garden or weeding, animals, large dogs, cows, sloths, cute things, vintage/antique/historical things, nautical things, the darker side of life, fall and winter, homemaking, mint tea, old books, libraries, old movies, old shows, British TV & historical dramas, jigsaw puzzles, games, miniatures & dollhouses, laughing with someone, music (especially classical & 80s). I have a deep love for music.

I don’t know why, but I have a strong affinity for the past. And I would love to share this with someone. I do love 80s nostalgia, but it goes back further than that. I am fascinated by aspects of history, American mid-century culture (1930s-50s), British royal history, the Middle Ages, the Victorian Era, and vintage/antique and historical things in general. I so love digging through libraries & sales for old books, I love vintage designs, typography, textiles, and color palettes. I adore older homes, especially Victorians. And I have a special love for the music of Billie Holiday and early-century singers like Ruth Etting and Al Bowlley. I don’t know why I am stuck in the past, but this list could go on forever. My ideal would be to wear mostly only dresses, skirts, and aprons in the kitchen.

Things I love (kink):

CNC, possessiveness, obsession, verbal degradation play, primal, play-fighting, rough, feeling pressure, control, rules, restriction, mild to moderate knife play (curious), Daddy/babygirl, 1950s household, marriage, breeding, some physical and emotional S/m play, twisted ideas, Daddy is in charge.

What I need in a relationship:

A slow burn and taking the time to truly get to know each other, not being in a rush.

I want to truly connect with someone on a deep and intense level and in authentic ways.

I want to converse, from simple to deep conversations at times. I want to contemplate life and other ideas together.

I want to spend time together. My love languages are Quality Time and Touch. Go figure.

I want to experience and explore being alive together. Cozy nights in but also go places, do things sometimes, not just sit at home and rot in front of the TV until the end of time. Someone who would travel with me, locally and afar, once in a while if we were able to.

Good health. I want to enable each other to be at least moderately health conscious enough that we plan to stay alive together for as long as possible. I want someone who would enjoy walking and hiking with me. I can’t be with someone who won’t touch fruit and vegetables or who lives off of copious amounts of sugar & bad fats and is unwilling to care. I’m not looking for perfection, no extremes, but to give a care, try to eat within reason, and go to the doctor when needed. I lost both my parents too soon, so this is important to me.

I do want to be with someone with a higher sex drive, but one who does not abuse it and is not just looking for a sex slave and someone to set on a shelf, take her out to fill his needs and put her back again.

I want to be passionate and lustful as well as tender and loving with each other. I want to share a bond that has both a light, wholesome and dark, twisted side. I want to have a vanilla life together, but also indulge in the ways we are abnormal together.

What I need in a partner:

Around 35-50 age range, not married.

Honest, compassionate.

A true alpha Daddy Dom type who is strong, protective, possessive, has a firm, but sometimes soft hand, and knows how and when to use it. Knows who he is, what he wants and is unwavering with that.

Loves being affectionate and close. Can be strict and sadistic at times.

Tends to be the possessive, obsessive, clingy, controlling type. Needs to be close with his girl as much as possible.

A provider type with old-fashioned values, tastes, chivalry in terms of the way he treats his woman and how household and relationship are structured. He likes clearly defined, traditional gender roles and has some conventional beliefs in general. He loves to be in charge.

Likes to take care of his woman in traditionally masculine ways and do traditionally masculine things, like lift the heavy stuff, reach the things shorter person can’t reach, open doors, provide protection and safety and guidance.

Likes to be taken care of by someone with traditionally feminine ways such as being cooked for, served, home and clothes taken care of, being given lots of female energy, affection, comfort, care, admiration, adoration, and companionship.

Has an interest in having a life, has his own interests, passions, ideas, self-confidence. Has a strong frame and is not afraid to step on toes, within reason.

I want someone who is passionate and expressive about the things that matter to them like I am. I am truly a fire sign and want someone compatible.

Someone who truly wants to spend time together and isn’t just doing it out of obligation.

Has a good sense of humor and enjoys having a girl who can be cheeky at times, while at the same time she is not an extreme brat. Enjoys the tension this can create and knows how to handle it.

Someone who is not looking for a career-minded person. While I work and pay my bills, I am not a career-oriented type. My biggest passions are elsewhere such as the home, my partner, and my creative projects.

My favorite type is someone taller than me, near or around 6’0 and cuddly. But that is just a preference. I also strongly prefer someone who is clean-cut in appearance. Non-smoker, doesn’t abuse anything and has decent hygiene.

What I can’t do or deal with:

Married or permanently attached people.

Narc types or people with severe issues they are in denial about or they won’t seek help for.

Men who claim they want a relationship but are obsessed with playing video games/mmo and things like that that they would rather spend more time with than a partner.

Don’t be on your best behavior in the beginning, show me who you are now. I will see it eventually anyway.

Don’t love bomb me. Don’t even use the word until you literally have no choice one day and it becomes more painful not to say it.

I don’t want “love” from someone as a means of securing an attachment. Don’t love me for any reason other than you simply do and it is true and selfless (until you get to the possessive part).

Don’t love me for what I do for you or because I am such a “kind” person or for all the generic reasons you could love any other decent female out there who fills your basic needs.

I don’t want to be loved again unless or until it is with someone where we know it is written in the stars and we have no choice, it was meant to be and there are no ulterior motives behind it.

Where you know you are as good for me as I am for you and the core parts of who we are and what we want are in alignment.

I don’t want to be with someone who has never done their own shadow work or self-reflection to truly know who they are, what they want, and what their strengths, needs, and passions are.

I don’t want to be a supply either where the person just makes half-efforts to keep me just so they can keep their supply of whatever it is they use me for (attention, my service, getting off, self-worth, whatever).

I don’t want to just be drained dry for what I’m good for, while other core parts of me are ignored or not valued.

I can’t try to raise you or teach you how to be a man, have a relationship, have self-worth, or be responsible in life. I don’t want to change who you are, so I just need you to be my natural match.

I can’t be with someone who is attached to someone else (an ex, parent, family member, etc.) who controls their life. I need someone in control of their own self, life, and relationship who makes their own decisions.

I can’t be with someone who doesn’t feel and show genuine attraction for me. I want to be in lust with my person and need to be with someone who has a healthy drive and is physically, emotionally, and mentally able to participate in intimacy. I know some people struggle with this and can’t help it, but I’m not a good match for that, sorry.

I can’t be with someone who is not old-fashioned in ways that I am. If you’re looking for a modern-style woman who overly ambitious, career-obsessed, masculine, dominant by day, outspoken, robust, feminist at heart, etc. then I am not the type for you.

I know this is a lot, so if you resonate with this or wish to talk with me, I prefer chat. Bonus if you are comfortable sharing your pic with me. Thank you.