I've been a Dom for over 15 years, and something I think is never spoken of is how much someone with that title can grow. Often I feel the belief is a Dom is stagnant, once they know what they are, the hunt for the perfect soul (or souls) becomes the that path they always walk.That's never been me.
I'm a grower and a shower. 😉
When if first started, I thought I wanted to be a Dom because taking care of others came naturally to me. I was and still am a caregiver at heart. So when I would try and become the big bad Dom...I'd end up being called daddy by the end. I can treat you like I don't care, but it's because I know you need that treatment to let something inside of you out. That slowly made me realize that I might best fall into the pleasure Dom category...I knew the more intense the feeling my partner had for me and our time together, the more I could enjoy them as well. Providing pleasure gave me satisfaction, and with my creative mind, it wasn't hard to try every possible fantasy and scene to see just what could bring us both the most out of each other.
These last few years though, I've realized more and more that submission was a bit of a cheat for me. I had always heard a relationship is give and take, but I ironally had such a struggle with the "take" part. I loved to give, giving is safe. The idea of taking however always worried me. My true wants were always in my control, and felt wrong to just assume I could just expect someone to care for me in a way where my "taking" was wanted. My goal inadvertently became finding someone who submitted to me physically, then slowly see if they offered other parts of that just happen to be what I was looking for. If it didn't work out, I pushed myself to be content in what I had.
No more. Now I know my own secret, so I'm going to tell you what I can give you, and what I need to take.
What I can give is...
- A Dom that can keep up. Whatever your sexual speed, I can provide for you. You'll never be told to calm down or place your passion in a box for later. What you want, when you want.
- A Dom who wants to be creative. Come with me with me with your odd kinks. Ask me what ideas you inspire in me. Talk to me about your trauma and worry and let's build plans to heal them through connection.
- A Daddy who cares. I won't just need you when your horny. I won't only give one word answers when your flirting. When you're hurting, I'll stop and listen. When your lonely, you'll hear my voice. When you're happy, I'll want to hear all about it.
- A Daddy who wants the cute as much sexy. You in my shirt and socks watching cartoons is just as alluring to me as you in high heels and lingerie. Going to the zoo and museum is just as fun as going to a fancy dinner or the theater.
- An Owner who is dependable. I know patterns are important. I know surprises are fun, but knowing what to expect is comforting and allows you to let go. I want to give you want you expect, and surprise you with only events that I know you'll enjoy. I may be rigid and firm, but it's for your and your betterment.
- A Sadist who knows the difference between pain and discomfort. We all have hurt inside. We all need ways to expressing it so it can leave our bodies. Some people mediate, some go to break rooms, but you need it taken from you. You need someone to open the door into with pain to let it out. I don't revile in it, even if I might enjoy the process. I want to do this so you can feel better in the aftercare, not so you just have suffer.
-A Man who is put together. This is me being honest, not trying to brag. I have a work from home job. 6 figure salary. No kids, but two pets that keep me company. Connected with my family, but not dependant on them. I have bevy of friends, but I'm not afraid to make new ones out of yours. A desire to have a lifetime to change and development. I'm slow to anger, solve problems after you help me understand them, and let my authority in you day to day life be a gentle comfort, not an oppressive force.
Now the hard part for me. What I need to take...
- A submissive that knows her worth. This doesn't mean you have to believe you are a treasure...I can hold that belief. But I need you to know that when you a part of me, you are important to who I am. You are the battery that charges me, and I need to depend on you to understand not only your purpose and your responsibility, but that you can't be easily replaced once I accept you in.
- A submissive that lives for me. Not in the way that you have to only ever think of me, but in the way that when you dress, you dress for my gaze, not just the male gaze. When you submit you learn what I like, not just going through the motions. That when I ask things of you, you know I have prepared you to be the only person I trust to deliver them. Being in my life is a responsibility, not just repeated actions.
- A little who knows cute is many things. Cute is snuggling and watching cartoons. Cute is sending me a picture from the Target changing room of the new dress you wanted me to see you in. Cute is pink and bows and tall socks. Cute is you coming home from work and going to my closet to get an oversized shirt. Cute isn't something you put on, it's part of who you are.
- A little who is affectionate. I want someone who gives me kisses as they sneak up behind me. Someone who will take me arm and drape it around them because they know physical touch makes me happy. Someone how knows they can bite me when they feel the urge, but will see me wince and say nothing until the biting calms into a suckle. Find your ways to show you care...but I need you to show them.
- A object that knows she is art. I want someone who is beauty in my life. Someone I can dress up and down, pose and play, and just enjoy watching. Sometimes I'll ask you to dress to the nines just so I can enjoy seeing you throughout the day. Somedays I'll want to break you simply because I want you to see how beautiful you look in my eyes when you're in pieces. It won't always be easy to please me, to be that I long for, but the effort you put in will be recognized and always rewarded.
- A masochist who is not afraid to ask for treatment. I want to hurt you. I know that's not a fun thing to admit, but I do. Not because I want to just cause you pain, but because I want to be the one you trust to deliver it. I want to be the one you crave for it to come from because you know I will do it best. But I can only do it when I know you yearn. I need you not to hide your pain, but to express it to me, so I can help you pluck it at the root. It might grow back, but together we can manage it.
- A partner who knows happiness is in the choices you make, not at state of mind you live in. I need someone who is curious, inspiring them to grown in whatever way they find their passion. I need someone who is social, that has a heart for people, especially their friends. I need someone who knows adventures are sometimes planned and sometimes spontaneous, and isn't afraid to chase the story they will deliver. I need someone who know that I don't expect them to not have a life outside of me, but I do want them to be excited to come back and tell me all about it. I need someone who know just because they are not at the same stage of life I am doesn't mean we can't be connected, and that sometimes the ways I can take care of you will need to be different than the ways you take care of me.
This is what I can offer, and what I need in return. If you feel like you might fit the bill like I fit yours, you know how to reach out.