I've noticed my BDD have really started to take a toll on my relationships. I have lovely caring friends, but over the past year something kinda switched and I started noticing all the feature they have that I believe are beautiful that I may not have. It's gotten to the point that even seeing someone attractive makes me spiral.

I feel like unless I can be in the top 1% I don't want to be perceived. I saw some photos of myself and I wanted to book a flight to a plastic surgeon at that exact moment. I feel like serious morphing has happened because every time I see my face it keeps getting bigger and rounder. I'm struggling and at this point don't even know what I look like. I can't try on clothes or even be around my friends anymore without feeling extremely triggered.

I really don't know what to do. Triggers exist everywhere, especially because I'm in fitness spaces and pole dance community. I just don't know what to do and how to keep enjoying my life. It's ruined relationships and I feel like I'll never be able to date again for fear that my partner will see someone more attractive than me.

I basically don't want anyone prettier than me to exist. I know all of this sounds unrealistic, unhealthy, and downright mentally ill, but I cannot seem to escape this mental spiral and it's a default I keep going back to