My friend posted a video of me now on Instagram and I look horrible. I’ve been walking around all day getting hit on which is a natural occurrence and it hit me….

I think my external level of confidence has convinced the world I’m pretty and when I look in the mirror I see pretty features but unfiltered videos and images show me with such round features, smaller lips, a full fatty face with uneven dull skin tone, one eye bigger than the other, a very large nose. To a point where I don't identify with how I look like.

I don’t look like the pretty girls I see online who “look” unfiltered. When I post myself I don’t get comments and likes like everyone else, which is fine but I think that could be very telling.

I’ve done a good job of dating attractive men but were they truly attracted to me? I really don’t know. I’ve been good at being delusional in my relationships and maybe I was the one always chasing and them just going along with it for like 2 years max.

Even the random lady who recently booked me for a modelling gig, was it because of my plus-size shape in order to fill a quota?

I’m fully convinced that maybe the attention I generally get isn’t a true reflection of me as I am but of my external aura as I tend to do better in real interactions than online