My now ex-DA had been the sweetest man I had ever met. Very wholesome, very sweet, very affectionate. Never invalidated my feelings, never insulted me, never 'cool' toward me, never accused me of being too much

Me bringing up meeting up my daughter (was not the first time, and he had responded positively in the past. But this was actually proposing specific plans) is what made him deactivate. Things are great on Saturday, I bring it up, as soon as he is alone he goes straight into deactivation. He admitted the relationship was great, I enhance his life in so many ways, he enjoys his time spent with me BUT thinks it won't work out in the long term because he cannot provide the kind of commitment I'm looking for. And that I don't understand just how intense the stress he feels is, to the point of it being debilitating.

During the deactivation, he spent days in bed, lethargic, nauseated avoiding me and everyone else. Scribbling down notes about why he needs the break up.

When I did get to speak with him, I saw a side of him I've never seen. He was very shaken up.

But what sticks is how it feels like he wanted to impose the same pain that he was feeling on me.

One thing that struck a nerve for me was saying that when we were together, he would feel the need to get away.

This was weird to hear. We would spend a day together over the weekend, every weekend, sleeping over the other's place. I never overstayed my welcome and discussed what time I would be leaving ahead of time. Sometimes he would push me to stay a little longer, locking me in with affection (he was the most affectionate partner i've EVER had). I was late to other obligations on some occasions

When he stayed over my place, I would feel most comfortable if he left at least 15 minutes prior to my daughter coming home - but no pressure to even stay THAT late. He always dragged his feet when leaving, with excuses (let me help you straighten up, etc), or do the same locking me in with affection.

At our respective homes, he would always initiate cuddling, holding hands, kissing - no matter what we were doing (cooking together, watching a movie, sitting and chatting). At times it could feel smothering, but I adapted to it because this was how he was trying to express his feelings to me (he admitted this once). In public, he would hold my hand, wasn't afraid of PDA.

So hearing those words just made me picture every time we were together his skin was crawling and he just desperately needed to be away from me. It hurts, it makes me feel so insignificant. Times where I had previously basked in his warmth, I'm now imagining frigid cold and marked with his resentment.

At one point he started talking and stopped. I asked him what he was going to say - he said nevermind, it was snarky and unnecessary. This surprised me because I'm the one being broken up with and he wants to take it out on me?? Add insult to injury.

It really feels like they want to cut you down and take that pain out on you. That's what continues to hurt