My boyfriend( secure leaning {AP})and I {da} have been official for about a month now, dated for maybe 4 months prior and I already feel suffocated. He wants to meet all my friends ( he’s met a lot of them- I realize I sometimes have him meet my friends because I feel like I should not necessarily because I want to), he’s interested in being a part and learning my interests, and he wants to build a life with me. I feel everything is going too fast and I want to run away or need like a week break from him. He seems to want to go to every party and event with me and I sometimes want to go alone and be with my friends. He’s sensing my disconnect from him and has been a bit passive about voicing out his insecurities with me like the time I asked him “who’s the hottest people at the party?” After a party we went to together. He said me and I said “what’s your second choice?” Then he proceed to tell me. I said my choices and he said “wow, I’m not even on your top 8.” I don’t think he’s super attractive honestly, he’s cute but not normally my type. I like his personality.

I don’t know if it’s my avoidance not wanting to be a “we” and enmesh or if I’m just not that into to him. But I do feel like I should let him know how I’ve been feeling trapped and suffocated but I don’t know how I should tell him without closing the pathway of healthy communications. I really want to say, “ I’m feeling trapped and I think everything is going too fast and I want to hangout with my friends alone and do things without you.” Help please!

FYI, I talked to some of my more secure friends and they don’t think he’s asking me alot. Though they also really like him and think he’s great for me.

More context, my boyfriend and I practice polyamory and are allowed to have sex with others. We’re trying to see if we can be primary partners.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your feedback. I feel like I’ve struck a cord with some when I said I don’t find him super attractive. I never find any of my boyfriends super attractive when I first date them until I feel like I can trust them more. Should’ve probably wrote that somewhere. My bf and I are both poly, swingers, and sex positive. We often tell each other when we see someone who’s attractive pass us by and check them out together but this was the first time we did a list. I thought the list would be another one of those times. My intention with asking for a list wasn’t to puff myself up and make him feel bad. It was curiosity. We didn’t have any opportunity to whisper to each other who’s the hottest in the room that night like we would do many other nights so his comment of him not being on my top 8 was surprising to me and made me wonder if I didn’t find him attractive or if I was being avoidant or whatever. Few weeks ago we sat down and I did tell him how I felt trapped and what I possibly needed to feel more secure. He was supportive and that actually made me like him more. I told him how I thought he was feeling insecure that night when we did the list and he told me he was just messing with me. 😑 his sweetness towards me still gives me the ick but maybe one day it won’t? I’m pretty open about telling him how I feel eventually and when I say eventually I don’t think it’s that long maybe a month or so after the ick happens. I just feel like I need time to process before telling him anything. We’ll see what happens.