I don’t know if I have AvPD but I relate to every symptom. This shit is debilitating. Idk if it’s cos I’m bipolar or maybe I have autism or maybe a personality disorder I don’t even care what the label is I just want help. But no one can help no doctor no psychologist no hospital. I spent two months in hospital and have been in a mental health recovery rehab for six months. AND I AM NO BETTER! After all that. Am I even human, these treatments seem to work for everyone else? I don’t even think my body digests medication.

This social issue has DESTROYED my life. Every job I’ve had (3 jobs) I quit or get fired because I become suicidal and want to crash my car every time I drive to work. Because I feel awkward and disliked and rejected and I don’t fit in. Same thing happened when I started university, only this time I couldn’t quit so I started to act on my suicidal desires. I lasted two months at university, I was crying on the second day wanting to quit but I stuck it out hoping it would get better. NO of course it wouldn’t get better. I made NO FRIENDS despite my trying so fucking hard. I felt so rejected by the people I tried to make friends with. I was so outcast and unwanted and alone.

I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to hold down a job or make friends. It is so painful. I really think I’m going to kill myself in the near future. Nothing can fix me, I am a fucking mistake I am subhuman scum to be rejected by EVERYONE. Even my family rejected me. My parents and brothers rejected me. From fucking BIRTH! I have never been close to a single person my whole life. I am a DISEASE.