I’m 25M. I’ve dealt with social anxiety, OCD, depression since I was 7 years old.

I was recently reevaluated because I looked back at my previous scores, and they seemed abnormally low. I don’t like myself and have a lot of guilt because I was a failure at school and I don’t believe I can amount to anything I want. I wish I was born a gifted genius that can do any career I wanted.

I redid my evaluations to get closure. There were a lot of inconsistencies within my past scores, and I was basically mute and anxious as a tiny child from social anxiety.

Turns out my IQ is average, and I actually have some decent strengths; nothing outstanding that can help me achieve what I dreamed of, but I’m apparently not as stupid as my previous evaluations made me feel.

My evaluator diagnosed me with Persistent Depressive Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. The latter was genuinely shocking, and I almost cried from relief.

An outpatient treatment facility was suggested to me from the evaluator, but it’s 5 days a week for 3 hours every day.

I scheduled the appointment, but I want to cancel it. I genuinely am fine the way I am. I don’t want to get treatment because it won’t work. My thinking patterns and core beliefs are too stubborn, and nobody can make me lie to myself.

I don’t ever want to get married. I don’t want friends. I just want to be safe at home with my animals. I’m content with the way I am. There’s no point in trying to fix something that can’t be changed. I have family and co workers that I’m content with. I never want friends.

I’ve tried therapy and meditation (currently on Prozac 40mg). I never saw much difference in my symptoms.

If there was a treatment that can raise my cognitive scores to actually achieve something meaningful in life and to allow me to have self worth, then I’d consider it. But that doesn’t exist. I’m stuck working with my parent’s jewelry store, but I don’t like a lot of it. I just wish I was a genius. I think about suicide a lot, but I would never act on it because I’m scared of the pain and fear from killing myself.

I just wish I can be proud of who I am as a person, but I know nothing can force me to believe something if I don’t want to.