honestly how am I supposed to be wanting to live this life if I cant even act like a person. I’ve always felt like a nothing \ no one for the longest time now. If im here or not has no importance. I cannot do the simplest of things, talk. I have everything I could wish for otherwise enough money to live, a family. I don’t have friends thought how can I if I can’t talk and initiate contact with people. I dont feel human, I feel like my humanity has been stripped away from me. It feels like some cosmic joke has been played on me, one where someone has all the possibilities one could wish for but cannot participate, only observe and everyone is expecting you to participate but there is an immense barrier between you and the world. It’s been such a long time battling with this yet I always fall back to where I was at the complete beginning.

Im probably thinking that it’s the worst thing to have because I have it and I havent experienced other things. I guess I just want someone to validate my pain. There’s no use in comparing pain, i know that.