I started a new job. Today’s the second day. I feel like I’m in high school again in terms of socializing. All of the dumbass insecurities I had back then are ever present.

I was invited to go sit and have lunch with my team. I “forgot” my lunch (I ran out of time to make it this morning). My colleague recommended I buy some food at a nearby restaurant and then join them but…I really am saving money. I don’t feel like spending 20 bucks on a meal I will nervously pick at. I thought sitting there without food while they all eat is also awkward as hell. So I awkwardly said “uh yeah maybe? I’m not sure. Just go on without me haha”. She awkwardly smiled back was like ok….?

I feel like I fucked up. Why can’t I socialize like a normal personnnn???? I know this isn’t a big deal but it feels like I fucked up my first impression. I should have sucked it up and bought a lunch to eat with them.

I figured there would be other lunches but this is really the only day people are in the office. And once I’m done training this week I’m in the field out of the office. Not many other chances for lunches.

Please make me feel better I know I’m dramatic