COVID was the beginning of the end of any friendships. I feel like quarantine was an AVPDer's dream. The perfect excuse to flake on plans and to isolate. I took that a little too far and now those "friendships" are done.

I recently reconnected with a friend I've had since grade 3. Quick back story -- We were best friends throughout highschool and our early 20's, living in the same city. I come from a broken home (addicts and poverty) and she was there for it all. We referred to each other as sisters. Though, I never felt 100% myself around her, and she had other "best friends". After a brief drunken confession from my best friend stating that "it was hard to be my friend sometimes because of the home issues I deal with" that devastated me and COVID lockdowns, our friendship was toast. I want to say that I totally understand her confession by the way. Still, it was very hard to hear. Pretty much confirming my fears of being a burden.

Anyway, back to the point. We got drinks and it felt awkward. We really haven't hung out since 2020. We're both 28 now. It makes sense that we aren't the same people 4 years ago...but it still sucks.

I miss our friendship so much, but I feel like I lost the ability to communicate??? Isolating myself from socializing has just dug me into the hole of self hatred and low self esteem that I feel as though I have nothing of value to contribute to a friendship. I'm unemployed right now which adds to it. As I mentioned before I grew up in poverty and I'm not just barely breaking the generational curse. However, I still haven't travelled really, due to work/not being able to afford it. Which also makes me feel like i have nothing interesting about me. I've barely lived any life. My best friend started travelling to Europe at age 7.

I feel like a fucking loser with no social skills. I just want to connnect. :(

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