Yeah. I know. Another post from the guy with a fire hose for a mouth. I'll try my best to be brief.

Thanks to all you wonderful people, I keep learning new things and connecting dots in my head.

A post either yesterday or today started some gears to grind in what passes for my brain.

I don't feel like I have a personality of my own, without AvPD. My earliest memories are reacting in exactly the way I do now - the damage must have started before I was even forming memories.

Has anyone been successful in finding even a little of themselves in this kind of scenario?

The more I think, the more even the things I like to do are a reaction to the AvPD. I read. I play games. I daydream.

Almost always sci fi or fantasy. I was always drawn to it. But I think it's just escapism. And scifi and fantasy are the only settings where I might get to find the power to calm the screams in my head.

Is any of me real? And if I was broken before making memories, how can I possibly find myself again?

Tonight is a silent cry night I think.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.