Due to an array of weird circumstances, I am a manager. A manager with avoidant personality. A manager who can't even say hi to her coworkers or ask for help. A very necessary skill for a manager. A manager who is visibly pushing down a panic attack each moment, choking on words and shaky hands. And you're too scared to ask to step down bc you already done so 3 times..

I have no idea whether to tackle the somatic issue, my panic attacks/nervous system arousal or the core issue, which is my feelings of not being worthy. I feel like I am inherently toxic and cold. I never say hi to anyone, even though a manager should be approachable and amicable...

I will say; I focused a bit on healing somatically/the physical symptoms. At least with somatic healing I don't lock down and go onto a full blown panic attack anymore, where I am mute and shut down. I know my limit.

I been a manager for a year now. I been avoiding my family, my career is falling apart and I have lost all my friends. I need help but I feel like financially it is not possible.

I want to be medicated but SSRIs didn't do jack for me. Weed just bites you in the long run. Not sure if meds can ever really heal this. I just want to stop having panic attacks. But i know my core issues/inner monologue ans my unprocessed childhood trauma are what kick me into panic mode everyday. Panic mode makes me mute and silent, which peoppe percieve negatively. I go into work, and feel inadequate for anyone ever seeing me at my lowest. I avoid them out of fear of ridicule. And the cycle continues