For some strange reason I want to be turned into a girl. I'm not really sure why exactly I just feel curious as to what it would be like. I think I've felt like this for quite awhile but I didn't realize it.this its very strange and probably doesn't make much scense. And I hope it is appropriate.

When I see a scene where a character pretends to be another gender (ie dresses up as a girl) I tend to fixate on that part. A example of this is in a old cartoon I watched as a kid there's a part where a wolf dresses up as a female sheep and you see him putting on makeup along with a sheep costume. For some reason even today I sometimes think about it.

I think its also worth mentioning that I don't want to transition surgercaly I want it to be done in a way that is more complete so to speak. Like everything female voice hormones appearance all of it. (I'm not really sure how transitioning and therapy works). I don't know how to describe it.

Im not sure where these feelings come from through I do believe that some of it is curiosity. And I think there is also some desire to be different somehow. Plus I'm not sure if these thoughts are enough for me to count as being transgender. I've been talking to some transgender people online and they believe I'm trans if that helps in anyway.

Also this is going to sound weird. When I see a scene where a character pretends to be another gender (ie dresses up as a girl) I tend to fixate on that part. A example of this is in a old cartoon I watched as a kid there's a part where a wolf dresses up as a female sheep and you see him putting on makeup along with a sheep costume. For some reason even today I sometimes think about it.

I believe I'm on the autistic spectrum. And apart of that is sometimes it is hard for me to feel emotions and I can lose interest in things. It's weird for about 1-2 days I felt really strong emotions about what what I posted before. But yesterday all of a sudden I calmed down so to speak. I sort of lost interest not on purpose of course. Through I'm still curious about my gender. I've kind of gone back to feeling blank about this. I really hate it I feel like I've kind of betrayed someone or something.

I know this probably doesn't make much scense but it is very hard for me to understand my thoughts let alone explain them to others. I have so many questions about myself and no way to answer them.