Im in university right now and my brother kicked me out of the house. He has mental health issues and believes that my autism is what caused him to end up socially stunted and have no friends or job (I heavily suspect that he is also on the spectrum). My parents don't want me to be out there on my own coz they kind of understand that I have autism. So they are paying for a 680 Australian dollars per week rented apartment for me. I feel so insanely awful and guilty about this that I just want to throw up. Ive been hitting myself and pulling out my hair out of self hatred for why I can't hold down a job and be financially independent. I should be so happy that I get this amazing luxurious apartment/unit all for myself but I just hate how they are basically using half of their income to just support me living here.

WHY CANT I MAKE FRIENDS WITH COWORKERS AND HOLD DOWN A JOB!!!!! WHY CANT I FEEL LIKE AN ADULT??!?!?!? WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A FUCKING LITTLE KID!!!!! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING SHARK CAUSING ALL THE FISH TO SWIM AWAY IN EVERY FUCKING PART OF MY LIFE!?!?!?!? WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP WATCHING MY PEERS EXCEL AT ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE AS THEY GO ON TO CORPORATE CAREERS AND FIND LOVE WHILST I JUST SIT AT HOME AND CRY EVERY FUCKING DAY!!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL!!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!