I HATE this feeling. It is arguably one of the worst, if not, the worst consequences of autism. holding down a job is almost like a basic human need as it allows you to attain the other basic needs. It gives you validation in knowing that you are financially capable and stable just like everyone else at your age. It gives you a sense of power almost. Your friends respect you more for being on the "hustle". People can rely on you. You are able to help out friends and family members, buy gifts for your partner, etc. The list is endless. I felt so amazing when I was working. The look on my ex gf's face when I brought her a nice gift such as jewellery, a new video game, etc. omfg. I will never forget how happy I felt during these moments. But it's all gone now. Ive burnt out. I dropped my jobs and now I am unemployed and living off of my parents at home. I am still in university so I am not fully a NEET which is ok I guess but it still feels so horrible and degrading. I feel so insanely scared of going back to work and having to deal with coworkers. Before I was able to use my conventional attractiveness to essentially compensate for my social mishaps and I was easily accepted and liked by most people who would call me a quirky and funny person whilst now after balding slightly and gaining weight, I am seen as a creepy weird and childish sort of character which I am LIVID about.

I was going through the LinkedIns of people my age and those I met in uni, etc. The feeling is nothing short of degrading.

I just want to be normal