Hello,

I (27M) just completed my autism assessment this past Monday. I got this assessment at the suggestion of my therapist whom I’ve been seeing weekly for the past 9 months.

This journey has been a very emotional one for me, as I am sure it is for many others. It started when my therapist asked me during a session if I thought I could be autistic. At first I denied that it was even a possibility. Then I went home and started researching what autism actually is. And wow. I relate to so much to everything I’ve read and watched on autism, particularly on adults who got a diagnosis later in life. My therapist would go on to tell me that she has suspected since our first session together that I could be autistic. I took all the online tests that I could find in an attempt to validate what I was feeling. Those tests included the: autism spectrum quotient, empathy quotient, systemizing quotient, RAADS-R, the aspie quiz, CAT-Q, and RBQ-2A. I recognize that they are just online tests and they don’t mean a lot, but they all indicated signs of autism/strong signs of autism.

So this brings me to my assessment process, and what is causing me anxiety post-assessment. My therapist got a recommendation from one of her co-workers for someone who does adult assessments in my area. She does not accept insurance. The entire process will cost me $1,500. I am alright with this because a self-diagnosis doesn’t seem good enough for me personally and I can afford it. My intake appointment was one hour long and was done virtually. I think it went relatively well. We went over all the information that I put into my intake paperwork. Afterwards we scheduled my assessment and I was given another form to fill out (the SRS-2 I believe) as well as one to send to my mom (the SRS-2 for relatives?). My assessment was two days ago now at the time of writing this, and my anxiety is driving me crazy. My entire assessment involved a bunch of different interview questions, a break where I took a 200 question test on a computer, and then some more interview questions. The entire appointment took 2 hours. I was scared that I would shut down too much during the interview as it caused me a lot of anxiety. Even with my favorite fidget, it still didn’t help. I feel like I shut down so much and didn’t provide enough insight into the struggles I have had my entire life. I’m not necessarily WANTING the diagnosis as I know it will be very difficult for me to handle, but it would also explain so much in my life which I think will be a bit of a relief for me.

My therapist reassured me yesterday that she would be shocked if I didn’t end up being diagnosed, but I’m just not sure. Prior to the assessment, I put together a binder full of all my test results, some elementary school report cards with behavioral information on them, pictures of me as a kid that I think tells a story of who I was and how I was when I was really young, and finally over 3 pages of single-spaced text of instances and things that I do that I feel like qualify me for a diagnosis of autism. The person who did my assessment took these pages and scanned them so that she could use them for my final report.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for I guess. My feedback appointment is this coming Monday (April 29). So it is only a week turnaround time which feels short compared to what I have seen, which worries me more, but I have no clue if that means anything.

How do I survive this terrible anxiety and anticipation? Any tips would be appreciated.

Thank you.