Hi I’m copy and pasting a post I made to AITA since it was removed. I was wanting NT and ND input - but evidently not gonna happen.

AITA for being upset and commenting on my friend uninviting my son from a bday party due to his disabilities:

I am probably going to regret this immensely but here goes anyway, I guess.

I want to preface this by saying that I have an autistic 5 year old son who is non-speaking (he understands most of what we say and follows most directions, but he does not speak. At all. Period. Never has. He uses AAC). He has co-occurring conditions such as global developmental delay/intellectual disability disorder, dyspraxia, apraxia of speech - among others. I, myself, am also autistic along with my husband and…idk how but our youngest is not autistic lol (that we know of).

Back in August my family was uninvited from a bday party by one of my (what I incorrectly thought, evidently) closer friends. She happens to lead the “mom group,” I’m in and manages the social functions mostly. The reason was that she had moved the party outdoors and knew we would need to stay inside due to my youngest son’s solar allergy. She was afraid that my older son would destroy her home and/or things due to his disabilities. So even though others would surely be inside too, we were still uninvited and I’m pretty sure it just boiled down to my 5 year old’s intellectual disability.

My feelings were hurt, and I commented on it. I didn’t raise my voice, was conscious of my tone, I tried to control my facial expression/body language as best I could. But I told her: “This is pretty rude. You know [sons name] and not only is that not in his nature but also I wouldn’t allow that to happen. You’ve become the first person to treat us this way because of [sons name] disability and that really hurt.”

I made a mistake, clearly. I have not been invited to a party, event or play date since.

1. My son has never destroyed other people things. He would have likely played on his iPad while indoors.

2. I could have stayed inside with our youngest while my husband took my oldest outside to swim. He loves swimming. The party would have been great for him.

3. My youngest has a UV suit and special sunscreen for him to go out. It would have been okay.

4. If my sons did start to behave poorly, I would take them home.

What is painful and frustrating for me though, is that I have spent the last 4.5 years being hypervigilent of what I do with them, how I say things, not being too blunt, not yammering on about my special interests, doing everything in my power to be a part of the community etc so that my sons could have play dates and friends and the things that they deserve as children. Their parents having social deficits shouldn’t lead to a lifelong loneliness for them and not even have the chance to “fit in” with the group they want to.

However, again, I understand that I have social deficits and there may be something I’m largely missing. She and I had had two disagreements over the past two years, but they were handled amicably. I thought.

So what do you say Reddit, am I the asshole for being upset and commenting the way I did?