Hi all! I (30F)’m autistic, and was always the ‘I don’t want kids’ person, until 2 years ago.

The thing that scares me is that I’m disgusted by any bodily fluids from anything and anyone, even myself. If I would spit on the ground, and see it, I will start to gag and feel uneasy. Same goes for when I cough up slime etc.

Now, when my cat throws up hairballs, it takes me sometimes hours of building up the courage and the stomach to be able to clean it up and then it still goes with the necessary pauses to not actually throw up.

How am I gonna do that with a child? It pukes, shits, pees and there is gonna be times the father won’t be there and I will have to take care of cleaning it. I can’t just leave the child dirty for hours until my stomach can handle it… One of the worst things to me is when I see kids eating a cookie or something and their mouth is covered in drool and cookie crumbs, or the boogers hanging from their noses. Just writing it down is already making me feel sick. They always say “it’s different when it’s your child” but even my own body disgusts me, let alone another human, even if I made it.

Has anyone ever dealt with something like this?