Guardian advice needed:

Folks - we are all living F*cked up lives, so I'm hoping someone who has been through this already can give me some advice. I understand I am going to need to seek legal advice on this as well and will be doing so next week. I'm hoping for feedback that will help me know what questions to ask and distill out what the important facts are. This is a complicated family situation, so to understand the context, I need to give you the background. There is me, my kid "Son", and his biological mom - "Mom". Son is very high functioning and has been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome as well as the usual ADD/ADHD and what not. He is a Junior in High School. All of this is in the state of Minnesota. We married in our 30's. Within several months, she decided she wanted some freedom, so we separated. During that time she had slept with other men, as well as me. We got back together after a few months and she broke the news that she was pregnant. I wanted a paternity test done, but she talked me into believing Son was mine. I made the decision then that I would treat him as my own no matter what. Life was good for 3 1/2 years, then she decided she wanted to get back together with her childhood sweetheart. We agreed to a divorce and it was very amicable. The only issue of disagreement was on custody. I wanted 50/50, she wanted sole. I refused to budge, so SHE demanded a paternity test. Turns out I was not the father. Skipping a lot of drama here, but I sought out legal advice. She wanted me to give up parental rights. (In MN, you are presumed to be the biological father if the baby is conceived or born during the marriage). Lawyers advised me to agree to give up parental rights in exchange for the most generous visitation schedule I could get out of her. She did end up marrying her high school sweetheart and he legally adopted Son shortly after.

Until he turned 13 (so for 10 years by this point), I took him every chance I could get and always begged for even more time. At age 13 for the Thanksgiving break, she informed me that when he came to my house for the holiday, he was going to be staying there. She could not handle him anymore. For the last 4 plus years I have been raising him on my own. He goes to her house every other weekend (maybe). She will cancel frequently and it can be 6 or 8 weeks between times he goes to her house. She rarely contacts him by phone either way. I have had to literally beg her to reach out/call her son because he felt neglected by her. He turned 17 this past August.

I have been raising him as a single parent. I get absolutely nothing from Mom for child support. She pays for his cell phone plan and maybe a pair of shoes every year. That's it. He is on Medical Assistance. I never asked for child support, nor do I want it. Even when times have been tight, I always made sure he was provided for. Outside of Medical Assistance, I pay for all of his expenses out of my own pocket with no reimbursement from anywhere. *****This is the important detail - Even though I have been raising him as a son and he considers me a father - I technically have NO legal relationship to him. I have continued to take him to all medical appointments. To their credit, the doctors have been great - they understand the situation and haven't given me any grief about not having a legal relationship with my son.

He went to his Mom's for Christmas break this year. "Allegedly" out of the blue, he claims he wants to live with her now. Even though it means transferring schools in the middle of the year (he's a junior), and giving up all his friends, he claims he has given it a lot of thought and that's what he wants - according to his mother. She claims that he doesn't feel safe in my house. We all know that these kids can push our patience to the limit and beyond, but he has never been abused here.

She has also informed me that she plans on filing for Guardianship once he turns 18 and plans on helping him file for Social Security disability. A little more back story - she is a master manipulator and she has proven over her entire life she is only going to look out for herself. Her dream is to be a stay at home mom and if she can find some way to get paid to do that, she will. Mom has previously been convicted of fraud for embezzling public funds that were meant for his Personal Care Attendant services.

This is pure conjecture on my part - but I believe she has coached him to say he doesn't feel safe here. I am convinced she is hoping to get appointed his guardian and she will absolutely take financial advantage of him. I firmly believe if this comes to pass, she will use that money for herself rather than for him. Prior to this Christmas, he literally had no clothes of his own at her place. Even if he had been there for 2 weeks, he would come back wearing the same clothes he arrived in. Unwashed, no showers. He stunk so bad, we had to drive home with the windows open. Other times, he would get sent back wearing old sweatpants of hers and pajama T shirts. I even had to send toothbrushes for him to keep there because she had none for him. She claims she got him "some" clothes for Christmas this year, but who knows. She got him absolutely nothing for his birthday this year or for the previous Christmas. However, her and her husband have date nights at least a few times a month, and will eat at sit down restaurants several times a month (very rarely do they ever invite Son along for these outings). Her and I had our first conversation about the situation today. It seems EXTREMELY suspect that he just happened to have this desire to move and she has ALREADY got plans in place to become his guardian and file for SS.

I believe she is setting the stage to exploit him. I will be getting him back in two days (Sunday), he returns to school on Tuesday. The end of the semester is January 19th, and that is when she wants him to transfer up there (we live about 3 1/2 hours apart).

What the hell should I do guys? What are my options? To be clear - if it is HIS desire to live with his mom, I'm okay with that. I want him to be happy and I have always supported his ability to have a relationship with his mom/that side of the family. He is easily persuaded though and I'm concerned that he is being manipulated.

Some additional details, don't know if they are relevant. I pay him an allowance and hold the money for him in my safe. He has over $500 in cash. I've also set up a college fund for him. I have never touched his money. Everything I have done, is because I love him and want what's best for him. Hell, I would even be okay with Mom being appointed a Guardian as long as I was also appointed jointly. I just want to be sure that any money he gets is actually spent for HIS support.