I'm mom to a high functioning 9-year-old. His dad and I got divorced years ago and our son lives and spends most of his time with me and my partner. My son loves my partner, and she is generally good with him. However, she and I have slightly different ways of parenting and it is driving a wedge between us. She talks to him very sternly, almost angrily (as I hear it) a good percentage of the time. It seems to me that she always rushes to discipline him and will take things away (like his computer, gaming device, etc) at the drop of a hat without discussing it with me first. She has very high expectations for him (which is not a bad thing), but I feel like she pushes him too hard sometimes.

I have talked to her many times about these issues, and we have agreed that I should act as “head chef” and she should act as “sous chef.” Ultimately though, I can’t seem to get through to her and she falls back into her old habits. Her behavior has started to bother me considerably and I’m coming to resent her. Is there something else I can do to encourage her to be kinder and gentler with my son? What can we do to repair our own relationship before it’s too late? (We are currently looking into couples counseling.) Thanks for reading!