Hi all.

I'm recently diagnosed after spending the last year or so trying to mask less and be more authentic. That process has meant focusing more on my own needs rather than adjusting to other people. This has been great for the most part and allowed me to build some of the most comfortable connections I've ever built with other people.

Up until now sex has been largely performative and deliberate. I've focused on my partners wants and needs rather than my own, and never really let go and been in the moment. None of that's to say it wasn't been enjoyable, but since masking less it's been so much more fulfilling.

The trouble with this is it's also been much more vulnerable, and it's opened up a lot of feelings of inadequacy that focusing exclusively on my partner, and being good at ignoring my feelings, had kind of kept at bay.

The other issue with this is it feeds into the residual bits of jealousy from practicing non-monogamy (relatively long term but recently in new relationship), and that's all combining into a big mush of new insecurities and general panic and feeling very socially unacceptable. I'm not sure how to accept and receive reassurance about this, and feel very strongly that I have to be perfect to be good enough (which is obviously impossible).

I'm unsure what I'm asking here. I think curious if parts of this sound familiar to people? I'd also be very keen to see if anyone could recommend reading on autism and sex/relationships, or autism focused non-monogamy stuff