I’ve come to the conclusion that “professionalism” is often rooted in ableism. Having an emotional reaction, communicating differently/having a miscommunication, acting differently than others (in any way!), inconsistent eye contact… needing to be “easy” to work with… being “flexible,” and “reliable.” These are all neurotypical norms. And while I find that I can work on some of these things such as working on my alexithymia and resilience, autism is a disability and will show symptoms… I’m at a point in my journey where I’m facing extreme burnout and as a result my ability and willingness to mask is compromised.

I feel like common adhd/autism struggles are interpreted as moral failures. You’re late? You don’t care. You misunderstood an instruction? You are less intelligent and even rude. You need an accommodation for your invisible disability? You’re hard to work with. Some of these, like struggling with deadlines or being late are at times valid things to work on! I understand, but I wish the response wasn’t “this person doesn’t respect me.” Because that is never the case for me.

Nobody would ask a person in a wheelchair to be patient when a company won’t install a ramp or refuses to fix it. And when they make the choice to crawl up the stairs, that will be exhausting and they might have a reaction to it… nobody would think they lack respect when late crawling up the stairs. The same empathy won’t be given to someone with autism or another invisible disability.

Self disclosing is exhausting and even with that, it doesn’t really make a difference. I’ve tried it all, “just so you’re aware, I’m autistic and my communication style might differ from others. If at any point you have a question or concern about something I’ve said, please feel free to communicate that with me.” I’ve been told it’s making “excuses” and it always leads to being treated differently.

I’m at a loss. Any thoughts are welcomed. Maybe someone relates or can share their experiences.

Edit: I also think this experience is affected by being not a man