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I was only recently diagnosed at 38. I starting going to counselling last year because I was sad I never had a kid. I was nver someone who desperately wanted kids it was more so that I was upset that there was one more thing that made different or this was one more way that I wasn't normal. Anyway the counselling got derailed when I joked I had autism and we decided to spend the rest of my sessions (I could only afford so many) to get me a formal diagnosis. So now I am diagnosed but still have not come to terms with the fact that I didn't have a kid and what there's of my life is going to look like because of it. My life already feels pretty empty. For years now I've just been getting by with the hope that my life would start one day. But it just gets lonelier and less meaningful year after year. Has anyone been though somthing similar?
Yeah. It sucks. It is like you dream of this life, you work hard to get it. And none of that matters. It feels hopeless and unfair. Teenagers have kids all the time by accident. I work my butt off to create conditions conducive to a family to no avail.
I turned 40 this year, but it didn't feel like a reason to celebrate. The grief comes in waves, and it feels like nobody understands. My family and friends who want kids already have them. I feel alone. Yes, we have a little time left, but without prospects time feels like a cruel joke.
I don't have any words of wisdom. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
Sending love, light, and healing, 💛💛💛💛💛
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