I met my new boss (new company) today in person for the first time and I let her know that I’m autistic because I didn’t want it hanging over me any more.

She took it ok I think… I found her body language super hard to read and I think it’s because I was so nervous. She said things like “thank you for telling me” and “I’m not sure but if you need anything for me to do then let me know” and I explained a bit that the lights in offices and sounds bother me so I sometimes wear headphones and sunglasses. She overall just seemed super shocked and doesn’t know how to really deal with it and doesn’t know much about autism (which is fine).

I’m just struggling with ruminating a lot and replaying her shocked facial expression and catastrophising. I don’t officially start with this company until Monday so what if they pull the role? Or they think I’ve lied to them through the recruitment process? Or I’ve made an awful first impression with my boss? Or she goes home and googles autism and comes in with all these awful thoughts about me going forward? I’m so proud of myself for telling her and being open instead of hiding it and massively struggling, but I also think how shocked she was has really thrown me off.

She is a senior executive at a big international company so I do understand at that level they are so focused on work and delivery that some of the softer people skills don’t often come through. She did mention today about putting someone on a performance plan and replacing them….