I am sorry that you have gone through all of that. It sounds awful.

Loving yourself is a learned behavior. Kids are taught to love themselves by their parents and their teachers and their peers. You didn't get that, and that sucks.

But, if nobody teaches you to love yourself, you have to teach yourself. I am not saying be down on yourself for not learning how to do something that you weren't taught, in fact that you were actively taught not to do. I am a big fan of the grace you have given yourself.

But sometimes you fall down. You take a second to catch your breath. Then you get back up again. I feel like you have decided not to punish yourself for being on the ground, which is great. But you have also decided to stay there, which is less awesome.

And maybe the key words were "wholly and completely." Real love is rarely 100% all the time. People are people, and they make mistakes and let us down. Maybe the goal should be to love yourself more today than yesterday. To love yourself more tomorrow than today.

The way I learned to love myself was when I began treating myself the way I treated folks I loved. I bought myself gifts. I gave myself grace. I became more deliberately in the way I dressed my body, the way I did my hair. There is a correlation with how you look and how you feel about yourself. If you feel like you look nice, you tend to feel better about yourself.

You are right. The world will likely never fully accept us. Being black and female and neurodivergent basically guarantees that, at least in our lifetime. But, we can choose to accept ourselves. We can learn to love and support ourselves and each other. We can choose to surround ourselves with folks who are uplifting and give life. We can choose to be folks who are uplifting.

If you are tired, take your rest. That is what we do for folks we love. We tuck them in when they are tired. But, once you have rested, get back up. You deserve better than the world has given you and the world has taught you to give yourself.

Sending you love, light, and healing. 💛💛💛💛💛