I think there’s a huge stigma that once you’re an adult you learn to control the additional stimuli and emotions that happen during a meltdown and I get really self conscious feeling as though I’ll never live up because it’s hard for me to control. As I’m sure I’m not alone in this, if you’re comfortable, can you share what a typical meltdown looks like for you?

For me, I typically try my hardest to wait to let it out at home. If I’m in public I will just remain overstimulated and festering until I’m home or in my car. But when I’m home I’m pacing, sometimes crying, normally yelling and talking fast and repeating phrases over and over again that I’m stuck on. If I can’t calm myself down and it’s more severe then I’m sobbing while rocking by myself and hyperventilating. If it’s happening too fast to process I just appear anxious and non-verbal but turn extremely depressed. I feel a huge amount of guilt for my boyfriend being the brunt of my meltdowns and having to help me when I can’t help myself get out of them (we live together and have been together for 5 years). I feel like a child and I think it’s hard emotionally that to the outside world: I work a full time job, only a few friends know (who I don’t believe they believe it), and I’m very good at masking at work and socially.

I have a hard time not reverting back to when I was young and telling myself there’s something wrong with me, that I’m not trying hard enough or too selfish for inflicting my emotions onto others, but I am aware that no matter how hard I try or how much therapy it may never truly stop or get better. I’d appreciate any story you can provide so I can feel less alone and hopefully you feel less alone after reading my story too.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who spent the time to reply and tell your stories. I’ve never felt more seen hearing them and finding similarities in our experiences. I will definitely be going back here and reviewing when I’m feeling alone. 💛