Hi everyone,

I really struggle with what the rules are around expectations and asking others for help. I've been in autistic burnout for the last 18 months and am getting better, but there are still days when I simply cannot cook/get dressed/leave the house/speak/ even think, like today

I have a partner of 3 years, we don’t live together (they live an hour away, which is normal in London) and over that time they’ve had some really serious physical health issues of which I became their primary carer for several months and now ad hoc when they get unwell about once every 3 months. This care work is needed because they don’t have anyone else and their condition is very serious, but it takes a toll on me.

I am currently really struggling to function and really need looking after (I live alone). I made suggestions last week that they should come over and yesterday said I wish they were here right now, then today when I’ve got even more ill I asked them explicitly to come over as I need looking after. They said they needed to think about it as they are on the verge of getting sick themselves. They pondered all day then called me this evening to tell me the earliest they can come over is Friday evening. That’s 3 days after I said I need help. They initially said it’s because they need rest but then they said it’s because they’re scared to be on public transport with the current UK far right riots tonight (which I do understand). I’m just so confused because any time they are sick I drop everything to look after them, often at the detriment of my own health because their condition is very serious.

I don’t think they understand how “severe” the symptoms of a disability like autism is. The system is so fucked, there is no state help, most care is privately funded which I can’t afford and I don’t have any family. My therapist says the balance of care is off in my relationship but I also have to listen to my partner who says they’re really tired and find packing and traveling exhausting. I am always there when they’re sick and need care and I can’t help but feel they’re not there for me? When I say this to them they get really upset and say they are trying, and it was only today I explicitly told them I needed help and it’s a lot of pressure to be my only support