My gf asked me unexpectedly today for a call to help with some financial documents I have more knowledge on. This was fine apart from it took me chasing them to get a time confirmed for the call (they ignored some of my messages and replied to others) and this was a last minute demand from me when I was already a bit frazzled.

We talk through the financial stuff, there are constant interruptions from their family throughout (4 interruptions in total), I’m in the middle of talking or focusing most times so I find this jarring. Then my gf asks me to do this admin task for their family member (they need a reference from someone with a professional job for a new flat, I was happy to help).

However they gave me the information I needed in two different emails, one of the emails had inaccuracies and missing information, when I started to ask about it (so I could be clear) they said they’ll send me another email tomorrow with more information, and then started correcting some of the inaccuracies over the phone. So this is 3 emails in total and some verbal information I all need to remember/refer back to, to do the task.

I said to them they’ve made this so complicated for me and they just kept talking at me more explaining it and it’s not complicated if I just listen, and that IM making it complicated. they started huffing and puffing and saying that I had “ruined” this call for them and they’re already exhausted and can I just drop it. I found it really hard to do that because nothing was resolved - I hadn’t been heard or understood and I was still going to have to refer to 3 emails and recall verbal information

The back and forth of me explaining and being denied by my partner was getting me so wound up I ended up screaming down the phone. This conflict ended by them hanging up on me abruptly.

I feel the route of this issue is my partner not understanding my autism. This has been a common theme with them since I started this diagnostic journey they haven’t really put the effort in to reading or learning or asking me questions on what adaptations I need. They’ve more said “oh it doesn’t matter to me you’re still the same person” or they’ve made a small effort once every couple of months to ask me questions. They are also an extremely passive and “floaty” person, and this can cause me to have severe meltdowns sometimes because I’m communicating and getting nothing back, or they’re extremely disorganized (turning up late and not telling me, asking things of me “urgently” and last minute, focusing on their needs and using up my energy).

They see a lot of my meltdowns as “bad behaviour” not the extreme pressure they’ve put me under. I’m finding it difficult to apologize for meltdowns when I scream at them because 99% of the time it’s from the immense stress. They also said in this instance I should have made it clear that I need everything in one email but in my head if you understood autism you would know we need clear instructions and written not verbal information?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🥺🥺🥺