I have some pretty core memories of masturbating as a young child.

Memories of how I would do it (usually with a blanket balled up and pushing on my pelvic bone or wearing all my underwear at the same time, the feeling of compulsion to do it, my mom finding me doing it on the couch and sending me to my room because my older brother’s friend was coming over, memories of hiding it during class in 2nd grade and eventually my massive crush noticing and laughing at me because I was evidently not as discrete as I thought. I think that’s probably when I stopped doing it at school.

I always felt really weird about these memories. I was never sexually abused or exposed to anything sexual as a kid, so it was a big mystery to me why I did that. Now that I know I’m autistic, I want to reframe those memories so that I don’t feel any weirdness about it. I do remember thinking “sexy” thoughts sometimes while doing it, which is so hard to process but maybe I just don’t know enough about childhood sexual development.

Now I realize I am a sensory seeker and was overwhelmed af at school and that it was totally normal response. Anyone else??