I (28F) suspect I may be autistic, but I am not sure. I'm just having some troubles and was wondering if it might be related to autism, so I figured I'd share my experience here and see if anyone can relate, and what their POV is.

I've been struggling to know what I want to do with my life ever since I graduated college. I'm in a field I don't particularly enjoy, but it pays well and it's not stressful, so I've stayed with it. Part of me wants to get a PhD and become a professor, but I can't even choose what field I'd want to study, because if I choose one, I have to forego another, and I hate that "loss" of possibility. Another part of me wants to move to France from the US, since I'm a dual citizen, and teach English to high schoolers. As it is, I moved halfway across the country in July to get a better-paying job in the field I'm currently in, in the hopes of paying off my debt more easily and getting on better footing in life.

I met C (33M) a few months ago on Bumble. C was diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid, and he's got a pretty classic presentation, though it seems as though his self-knowledge that he struggles with understanding others' emotions has caused him to be extremely mentally sensitive to others' emotions--that is, he checks in with me often. He's extremely sweet and thoughtful. He's told me he really likes me partly because I'm not shy about voicing my true thoughts. Especially once I realized he has autism, I made it a point to never expect him to intuit my thoughts and feelings, instead directly addressing my concerns verbally with him.

We dated for a few weeks, then I broke things off (complicated reasons), and we remained friends. We kept talking and seeing each other, as friends, which really made me trust him more, realizing that he truly cares about me as a person. Now I'm thinking I really want to be with him again, but he's hesitant--I broke things off before, so he knows I'm unsure of my feelings and desires. So we're just going to take it slow, giving me time to think.

Except--idk what to think! How are you supposed to know who you want to be with, and what you want in life? Do I want to move to France or stay here with him? Do I really want him, or will his hour-long ramblings about Pokemon drive me into a coma? (Lol, I told him that if we ever moved in together, we'd need a two-bedroom apartment so I could be alone when I needed to be. He laughed in understanding.)

We haven't known each other long, it's true, maybe I just need time. But time never seems to help. It's been, like, 5 or 6 years since I graduated college, and time hasn't helped me figure out what I want to do for a career, or where I want to live. There are too many possibilities. And there are too many fish in the sea. C has his flaws, EVERYBODY HAS THEIR FLAWS, how do I know if his are the ones I want to put up with for the rest of my life? How will I ever know? How does anyone choose to marry anyone?

The only thing I know is, so far, I WANT to love him. He's someone I really respect and appreciate, a truly kind and sweet person, and he's someone I'd WANT to be there for, to be the partner of. But who knows, maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow! *flips table*

Does anyone else struggle so much knowing what and who they want?