I don't like that many of the things I enjoy as art, even many things that had a positive impact on my development, are tainted by abuses and crimes of the creators behind it, or abuse of people was directly involved in the making of it. I feel sad because the list of "ruined childhood" stuff I have includes what I consider to be some of the best music and writing.

But I can't ignore the abuse that happened and that makes it uncomfortable for me to enjoy.

Now many things are simply “ruined” for me, as in, the creator’s words or actions have been so dispicable as to taint my memory of, and enjoyment of, the thing I enjoyed as a kid.

I’m including jr. high and high school even though for much of that, I felt mature for my age mentally.

Categories:

Anime & Manga: Rurouni Kenshin (manga’s creator was a pedophile)

Cartoons: Rick and Morty's Justin Roiland is a domestic abuser.

• TV Shows: Nickelodeon, especially the sliming and the gags in shows like All That, are now sus to me since I know that at that time Nickelodeon was under the influence of a pedo producer.
• Movies: Anything produced or promoted by Harvey Weinstein or written by/directed by/ starring “canceled” people like Woody Allen. I don't just mean canceled as in "one crazy person got mad on Twitter about some random bullshit" but no I mean when they actually hurt people.
• Also, I know that many movies I love tortured the actors, especially Stanley Kubrick, who is still one of my favorite directors, perhaps even THE favorite.
• Music:
  • R. Kelly. (Love the music, can’t stand hearing it now thinking about his victims.)
  • Many famous musicians committed intimate partner violence and were abusive as partners. John Lennon is probably the one who broke my heart the most, but I like that he made a song apologizing (Woman).
  • David Bowie is one of my favorite musicians but he had some sort of relationship with a teenage girl. It may have been a brief blip in a long career for him, but I could see her as a Penny Carson type of thing, and even that much turns my stomach.
  • Elvis married a teenager, but you could argue social norms about marriage were different then. But still it makes me feel icky.
  • Eric Clapton's racist rant about wanting to kick out all immigrants which was the inspiration for the "against the wall" part in The Wall by Pink Floyd. Idk I imagined that it was recreating a real Nazi rally, not simply re-stating and exaggerating for shock value what a beloved mainstream musician actually said.
  • The fucking racism in the music industry - another reason I can't really enjoy Elvis music anymore, knowing he stole his shit from black people who were incredibly talented and didn't get the pay and recognition they deserved for their contributions to music history that were stolen.
  • Kanye West. Dear gods...
• Books:
  • Harry Potter - victim of the author’s inability to leave trans people alone.
  • Orson Scott Card was also a Mormon and anti-gay marriage, but that incident looks quaint compared to current controversies, but it does make me a bit uncomfortable to support someone who thinks my relationship ought to be illegal.
  • Brandon Sanderson being a Mormon makes me uncomfortable as well. I do have ex-Mormon friends, but I also have an aunt who is currently a Mormon. I don't see them as all bad but I don't enjoy supporting anyone financially if they in turn give a large portion of that income to an actively anti-LGBTQ religion.
• Stoner/drug comedy: now that marijuana is legal, and I've experienced it, and I know what many drugs are like from research, I know that a lot of that stuff is extremely inaccurate, making me unable to enjoy the “comedy” of it.
• Sex comedy: mostly hasn’t aged well. Has a lot of trivializing rape and sexual assault, cross-dressing as a punch line per se, etc. Stalking and using aggressive, some might even say terrorist/criminal, methods of "getting laid" in 80s comedies was all "good fun" and I cannot. Those are sex crimes.
• Video Games: Ugh… Literally where to even start?
• Japanese culture: I used to idolize a culture that's actually very xenophobic, sexist, and they did war crimes they refuse to own up to.
• American culture: ditto. It's also the most arrogant country in the world and I hate how Americans are always putting down other cultures without knowing shit about them.

Why are they ruined?

• Empathy for living victims. If there’s no living victims of someone anymore, or if they’re already dead, I’m a bit kinder to them (Tolkien, Kipling, etc.). But when I know that there are real people whose lives have been ruined or who have been hurt badly by a certain content creator, I cannot in good conscience enjoy the content anymore. And it ruins it for me to always be thinking about the suffering of the victims.
• Concern for the impact of the author's influence. If a person who's not very influential says some dumb Nazi bullshit, it won't have the same impact as a famous and well-admired person doing the same. This is also why I care more about living creators.

Sorry it's just so frustrating and it makes me too upset to even like new shows. It's hard for me to get into new things.

Like it feels like I should just give up. Everything betrays you and the world is full of shocking amounts of abuse and violence. Idk how to even live with this sometimes...