So when I was younger, I would try to stim in inconspicuous ways, but I would always be called out and judged for it. Like "why are you tugging your ear?" "Why are you singing?" "Why are you shaking your leg?" "Why are you shuddering?"

It made me really mask my stimming and I would feel so uncomfortable and wiggly so often.

Since the pandemic, I've mostly just been at home with my husband who never judges me for these things so I've been letting loose with stimming.

The way that I've been allowing myself to stim is to tell my brain "you're not weird, you're cute! It's cute to stim like that!"

But now, my stims I feel most comfortable with are cute stims. For example:

I squeal when I'm excited, I shake my hands and jump up and down, i say happy words like "yay" "wow" "cool"

I shake my head and scrunch my nose when I don't like something, or I turn my head away

When something is scary I shake my fists in front of my face and fiddle with my blanket

I like to sing things or say phrases I've heard (my favorite right now is singing "who's that dog, Mr Peanut Butter")

Anyway, I feel so comfortable with my stims and they help me so much to not feel overwhelmed and to express my feelings, but I also feel funny that I have handpicked them because I think I look cute when I do them. I feel like somehow I'm faking it? But I feel so yucky if I try to make myself stop.

I'm not doing them for anyone else, I'm doing them because they make me feel better. But I do think I'm cute when I do them.

I don't know. Is this making any sense? I'm happy to answer questions.

(Disclaimer: I do identify as non-binary, however I am AFAB and identify strongly with many areas of womanhood and thought this would be a good place to get feedback on this)