I've noticed a common pattern in gay kinky relationships: toned/good looking submissive and average looking/older/less fit Dominant. Outside of specific tastes, subs seems better looking on average.

I've spent a lot of time trying to find a right Dom who I'm both physically and emotionally attracted to. It will be 10 years. I've been in one long term BDSM-based relationship as a switch, but I'm definitely more on the submissive side and it didn't work despite mutual attraction and many shared goals.

Hence my question: am I overshooting trying to find someone I'm really attracted to? Should I focus on their skills and emotional maturity and mostly ignore the looks? Wouldn't that be basically lying though?