This is how I feel about Anzac day. This is something I need to get off my chest today.

I did 12 years with the Navy, almost 6 years at sea, most of which were a handful of Operations. I missed so much of friends and family milestone events, moved around a lot and gained a lot of experience with joint force methodology. Overall, it was 12 hard years and it took its toll.

I lost count of how many friends from civvie street that stopped texting me back over the years, the invites to things stopped too. I lost count of how many times me and the Mrs felt like aliens to each other. I lost count of how many years I drank at home alone between postings and ops. I lost count of how many of my kids, my Mrs and my own birthdays I was working at sea. I lost count of how many times me and the Mrs nearly separated.

After 12 years and all that time in, many promotions, commendations, family sacrifices, becoming my own enemy and suffering mental health issues, I was medically discharged.

My last Anzac day in service, I couldn't even fit my uniform because of the antidepressants and other drugs had made me put on too much weight, so I went home, no one knew. I drank alone, no one called. That same month, I was admitted into a hospital for 4 weeks, again, no one called, no one cared. 12 years, the mates you thought you had.

Upon discharge date, no one called, no one messaged.

It's been a few years now since being out, and again, been to another hospital since for a period of time.

All I ever heard about was mateship, loyalty and brotherhood. But it seems like that's only relevant to those still serving and those in the boys club.

I know it's not about me but its hard to feel included when youre isolated. I ring my extended family on Anzac day who are vets and still serving and we have a chat. But thats all I experience. I have no one to grab a beer with or shoot the shit with. I can't help but remember an organisation I gave 12 years too that chewed my family apart with op tempo and spat me out with suicidal ideation and a drug prescription.

It seems the better ADF was the historical version who gave their all.

Lest We Forget.