I’m drafting this from my phone, so I apologize in advance for the spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues —

Our courtship started as passionately, lovingly, and fiery as any R-rated ROMCOM out there. We were both educated, established, professional, young, willful, and completely entrenched with one another.

We had secrets — I was a closeted heavy drinker from a party girl lifestyle in my 20s. I had a rolling BAC, and he didn’t care, judge, or take issue - he supported me in my sprees and joined me most of the time. We were everyone’s favorite bar room couple.

I stared hiding drinks around the house, I kept little bottles in my car, purse, shoes in the closet - I was a walking / driving lawsuit waiting to happen. He was as retail / shopping whore. Blowing throw money faster and more irresponsibly than teenagers with Christmas cash. He was a narcissist, megalomaniac, a man of flawed character, and just generally an asshole who was unapproachable from the outside.

We didn’t care about each other’s flaws — bc we supported / defended each other. The most toxic form of codependency.

At a certain time — my body began breaking down from my consumption rate. I went to rehab, got sober, and have been alcohol free for over a decade. That was when the marriage started to die..

As I walked a new path in life - I was happier, joyful, better at my job, more energy, and a renewed faith in myself and humanity. I personally think AA is bullshit, but the program has saved MILLIONS of lives.

Our dynamic changed — his flaws and lack of self improvement/development were put on blast bc of my changes. I never wanted him to change — but he developed resentment for me bc I changed…

Conversations got short. Flirt, touch, taste disappeared. “I love you, bye..” turned into “talk to you tonight”. Money kept disappearing. Bills went unpaid. Amazon delivery every fucking day. He started venting — at first to friends, then family, then … others.

My bed was as cold as a meat locker — but his phone keyboard? As hot as nude sunbathing on south Texas asphalt. I never would have been bothered if we discussed opening the marriage — I think human monogamy is a choice but not a requirement of a healthy marriage, we are not all fucking penguins.

As time passed and my heartbreak subsided — I looked in the mirror one day (roughly 60 days ago) and saw myself for what I am — an intelligent, independent, fucking MILF, who could have anyone I wanted — and I deserve love, peace, compassion, and orgasms — lots of orgasms.

Kids are involved. He’s an OUTSTANDING and selfless parent. We are essentially a business at this point, not a marriage - I’m the CEO now, he’s the COO… we have agreements, “secrets are fine, but nothing digital or otherwise crosses our property lines.

So here I am - on Reddit - confessing my whorish ways, trading boudoir photos, flirting in texts … and occasionally— playing. I’m not seeking attention or trying to steal husbands, but rather embrace my sexuality, my identity, my life. So much of what we do daily distracts of the elements of living, enjoying, and experiencing. I don’t want a life defined by profits, business accomplishments, or estate value - I want a tombstone that says … “life / death tried to fuck her, so this girl just fucked right back…”

Ok, this is a vulnerable post / confession - be fucking kind or get out.

Who else wants to share?