Hi. I'm Reverend u/Ice-SheathedArcology. You may remember me such great classics as It's so nice being a Scorpio with a Gemini moon. Not only do I have great discussions with myself, but I know all my erogenous zones and pleasure myself with self love making better than any man could. and Scorpo is like an iceburg (NOT A SWAMP) u only see the tip of us 😉😜 but we're sooo much deeper 🕳

You probably know I'm a Scorpio, but what you may not know is I'm an Aquarius rising, which as anyone who's read astrologycafe.com knows means I'm a scientist. What you also probably don't know, among other things because I'm a Scorpio and we don't tell you anything, is that I'm one of the world leaders in Scorpiology. That means 'the science of studying land lobsters' you filthy uneducated non-uranian plebs. I've come to you today to share a beautiful discovery from our community to keep your land lobsters healthy and.. err.. well, happy isn't the right word, less sad! We'll go with less sad.

Some of you may have seen your Scorpio owners standing quietly by themselves, not saying anything and looking like they want to die. If you try to approach them they may glare at you or say something about being 'misunderstood.' This is a natural part of the Scorpio lifecycle known as "brooding," and is perfectly healthy for them.

Brooding occurs when a Scorpio can't take this shitty planet anymore and needs to spend some time soaking in their feelings so they don't do something that would disturb literally everyone in their life. During the brooding process dark™ thoughts, feelings and energies are being processed and stored for later weaponization within the Scorpio's microprocessor. If your Scorpio is unable to get the time and solitude they need for daily brooding it can lead to dangerous levels of dark™ness, which can leave to dangerous high risk activity in order to fuck the darkness out.

If you or someone you know likes to interrupt a Scorpio's brooding by saying things like "just cheer up, wear yellow!" "you're such a wet blanket" or "stop that, it's creepy" please sock them in the face. They likely lack the necessary cognitive function to understand people other than themselves have feelings and educating them is unlikely to have an effect.

Scorpios with healthy brooding habits have been clinically proven to be less toxic, more bearable, and to bully Pisces slightly less. So remember: the next time you see a Scorpio standing in a corner really really conspicuously, wait until they stop before asking what fucked up life trauma led them to think doing this at your wedding reception was a good idea.

Please, think of the Pisces. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.