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36 [M4F] #Maryland/#Online-US, Nerdy hermit looking for a partner to share life, love, intimacy, and kink with.
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Hsart is a male age 36 looking for a female in Maryland
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Helloooo. I hope you're doing well.

Soooo. There are valid reasons that I'm not going to be suitable as a partner for many/most. I figure I should just be forward about the major concerns, so I can feel less anxious about when X/Y/Z is going to come up, and to save a lot of mutual time/effort.
I'm unemployed, a non-driver, and living with family. I'm overweight, though my health is something that is important for me to improve. None of those are impossible to change, but they are things I'm struggling to tackle in life. Part of that struggle is due to some neurodivergent traits. ADHD (More fair to call it Executive Dysfunction), Anxiety, and persistent-depression/low-mood, mostly. I strongly suspect I'm on the autism spectrum (family has suggested Asperger's before it was rolled into ASD), but I would likely be considered high-functioning. I'm in therapy, on meds, working with a job coach, and trying to get my shit together to move forward in life. Growth/Change is hard, and slow. I am trying.

Thoughts about myself:
I have to acknowledge that I have difficult time saying positive things about myself. I'm told I'm intelligent. I have amazing friends, and I believe they would speak highly of me. I'd like to believe it's fair for me to say that I'm caring, considerate, supportive, empathetic, honest, warm, and loving. Thoughtful, introspective, and self-aware. Fair, rational/reasonable.

I enjoy deep conversation, things akin to philosophy/society/morality/life/the-future. I'm happy to talk about games/media, too. I'm wired to solve problems, to make things better. Finished college with an associate's degree. I tend to know at least a little about a lot of things in life, so I think I can talk about most things in some context and be a good conversationalist. I'm up for talking about anything and everything, and I can share my thoughts/feelings pretty easily. I'd have a hard time saying I'm funny, but I have a sense of humor, and I can't say I don't get some laughs now and again among friends.

I'm a shy/timid/nervous/anxious person. The last thing I want to do is cause discomfort/negativity/pain for others, and I worry about how my actions/words might impact others, so being proactive, driving/pushing things forward... trying to find that balance for me is challenging. It gets easier the more I get to know someone, and learn their comforts/concerns/interests.

Politics:
I'm a very left-leaning / progressive individual. Somewhere around Socialist Democrat or Democratic Socialist?
I try and keep aware/up-to-date with what's going on. It's mostly upsetting, but ignoring it doesn't help, either. It's something I can/will talk about. I'm LGBT /PoC/ND NT friendly.

Religion:
I'm an agnostic individual, but I get the appeal of various religious ideas/concepts. I don't mind someone who has faith/spirituality, as long as they're respectful and rational around it, able to understand why others can't believe what they do, and can be okay with that.

Alcohol/Drugs:
Mostly fair to say that I don't drink, though I occasionally add a smidge of flavored alcohol to soda for some flavor. I've never been drunk.
I won't smoke anything, but I do enjoy regular cannabis edibles, and I'm pro-psychedelics (done safely). No hard/addictive drugs.

Hobbies/Interests:
My interests are mostly nerdy in nature. Games, TV/Film, Cartoons/Anime. My go-to genres are usually Sci-Fi/Horror.
My musical tastes are varied. A lot of synth/electronica stuff, but I enjoy a large variety of things.
I don't read as much as I'd like/should, but I'm a big fan of Brandon Sanderson, Jim Butcher, and Terry Pratchett.
I enjoy LEGO and other hands-on crafty things.
I played D&D for a few years, it's something I'd be interested-in/willing to do more of. I'd be down for doing some other board games, or TTRPGs, too.
I enjoy swimming.
Fall/Winter>Spring>Summer. I enjoy rain and snow. I like things being a little chilly, I like cuddling, and I like being under a blanket.

What I'm looking for:
Monogamy/Exclusivity is important to me. I'm looking for my person, and I want to be theirs in turn. I'm hoping for someone ~5yrs within my age, not mandatory, but the closer the better.
My love languages.
I think due to my social struggles, I greatly appreciate/benefit when someone interested in me is chatty/forward/aggressive/clingy/possessive. I'm not a very secure individual, but, I'm... secure in my insecurity. I'm aware of it and honest about it, and 90% of the time, I can self-regulate/manage it. I'd really value someone who gets it, though, and finds fulfillment/value in being a patient, reassuring, and emotionally supportive presence for their partner. Maybe you struggle with it, too, and I can provide that for you in turn, too.

If we click, an interest in closing the physical distance is important. I'd like to live and share life together as long as we can, sharing the joys and easing the burdens of life. I'm eager to enjoy what we can share until the distance can close, though. I'd really like someone who is looking for someone to spend a lot of time with. Sharing a good amount of time together in Discord. Someone who is vocal, able/willing to have engaging conversation, put in effort, pick topics, etc. Watching and playing stuff together would be nice. I want us to be able to be able to be active/healthy. I want us to be dependable, mutually-accountable, and supportive partners doing what we can to raise our shared quality of life and happiness together. Eventually, I'd like to get married, but I also feel like it's falling out of fashion, and it's not something I have to have.

Kids: I do not want kids. A vasectomy is in my future.
Pets: Pets aren't something I'm compelled to have, though I am pet-friendly. I prefer dogs over cats. Pets are very lovable, and I enjoy the affection and playing, but too much barking or whining really elevates the anxiety/discomfort.

Thoughts on a future:
I'd like to live on the edge of a major city, on one coast or the other. I think I'm more drawn to the west-coast due to most of my strongest friendships being out that way. Probably somewhere in WA, near Seattle. I'm mostly a hermit, and I value my privacy, but I'd like to be able to visit the city semi-regularly. I'd like to have access to public transit, food, and culture. I tend to be a night-owl, so some place that has some night-life sounds nice. Maybe do some urban exploration. Some mild hiking can be nice, maybe some camping. I mostly just want to have a place of our own, for it to be comfy/cozy/safe/clean/organized, and to find what harmony and happiness we can enable for one another. To find our own small ways to make echoes of positivity in the world, to enjoy what time we have here, and to nudge things in a better direction for those that'll be here after we're gone.

Sex:
I experience a good deal of anxiety around sex especially. I don't have a lot of experience, and I'm very aware that women get frequent unwanted sexual advances/commentary online and in life, and the idea of contributing to that scares me. I don't want to accidentally add to that discomfort, so, I'm not going to be one to nudge things those directions first. It's certainly something I'd like to discuss/explore with someone, but I'm happy to let the other person decide if/when they want to broach those topics.
That said, in the interest of divulging points of incompatibility, if one is interested in knowing probably TMI about me as a partner…

I'd say I have a high libido, and am strongly a Switch, though Sub leaning. Dom kinks/inclinations are definitely there, it just... Anxiety. There's fear of causing physical/mental/emotional harm to someone.
Growing up with the early internet, and over 25yrs on it, between porn, anime/hentai, SciFi, and over a decade of enjoying /r/GoneWildAudio, my buttons/sensibilities are… diverse and warped.
Here's a woefully incomprehensive sampling of some of my buttons.
Annnnd another.

Thank you for any time you spent reading any/all of that. As long as this post is up, you are welcome to reach out. I'd love to get to know you, to just enjoy one another's company, and maybe watch something together.
Take care. <3

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Profile updated: 1 day ago
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They Are
a male
Age
36
Looking For
a female
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Posted
10 months ago