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I am 39, never married, no kids. In my 20s, I had a full life of friends, fun, travel, dating, adventures etc, but never found a fulfilling career path (currently work in customer service) and never found love. I made poor financial decisions and lived back at home for a while, then finally mid 30's I had saved enough to buy my own house. I really thought that would be the start of my "adult life".
But once the pandemic hit, I quarantined to stay healthy to help care for my elderly parents. My dad, who has Parkinson's, broke his hip. My mom, who has diverticulitis also had to have her gall bladder removed. I feel like my normal life halted. I work from home now, maybe hang out with a friend once a year, because I am so exhausted between work and going to see/help my parents pretty much every day. I feel like I'm so behind on normal life goals...
I have bought some career guidance books but it seems so overwhelming trying to figure out what kind of path would be fulfilling. Dating seems like a distant daydream because I just don't see where I'd have the time/energy for it right now. I have fewer friends because a lot of them have just given up on me hanging out.
I'm in therapy trying to set boundaries with my family and get them to agree to outside help (that's a separate story of why they don't trust anyone else but me to help them). I am doing the work to get out of this rut, it just feels so late in life to be "starting". I guess I just want to know if anyone found themselves in the same boat at 40, were you able to turn it around, and how has life looked since?
So I picked up skiing for the first time at 40. 30 days on the mountain later, Im told I'm intermediate now within my first year. It scares the shit out of me more than joy but there's lots of joy. So much joy.
It's been life-changing for me.
I also went on a off-grid no cell phone service middle of Iceland 2-day hike this year across three mountains that scared the shit out of me and had me in a fetal position crying my eyes out the first night questioning my life choices. Pulled myself together after a nap and realized it was the best thing I've ever done. Loved every minute of the remaining days.
The key for my '40s is realizing all the strength I have accumulated through my twenties and thirties which allows me to do unbelievable things with the confidence I never thought I could have. Never wanted kids so that's off the table, which frees me up to focus on my career and lifestyle choices while everyone else is struggling with children.
What's worked for me is finding activities that expand my horizons and doing things I never thought I was capable of.. (I am not a hiker or a camper, prefer luxury hotels however, I have now accumulated two tents, sleeping bags and all of the camping gear needed) . It seems to be developing my inner strength in a way that I didn't think was possible? There's something about facing death by choice that makes you appreciate all the beauty of and living it to the fullest. I'm not saying pick up risky activities, I'm saying finding things that challenge me to my limit physically and mentally and spiritually has brought me a lot of joy and strength that makes me look forward to the rest of my life.
Also, I'm pretty focused on eating healthy hitting my macros, maintaining a fit body, and mental health well-being and a healthy love life.
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Make a list of all the new skills that you would like to have and then do them?
I started taking singing lessons yesterday. I'm terrible at it but I always wanted to be a good singer. Surprisingly more terrifying than climbing a mountain..