I'm twenty-six and most of my relationships have been pretty casual. I guess I'm of the perspective that I'd like to marry eventually but I know I'm in no state to commit to anyone in this stage of my life because I'm still finding myself. I know I need to experience some things and better get to know myself first but I also know my experience isn't common as many if not most people choose to be in committed romantic relationships as they go through their twenties.

Growing as a person and having new experiences is important to me. I can't stand the idea of stagnation or not growing or changing because it would make someone else uncomfortable. I just can't do that, it's a betrayal to myself and all the work I've done to become who I am today. And I hear people talk about how you can grow in a relationship and I don't doubt that's possible but I fear that for most people (especially women, who are usually the ones expected to accommodate others), being in a relationship would mean not being able to have certain interests or explore certain hobbies and that my growth and self fulfillment would suffer for it.

I feel so immature and selfish for saying that, and think that not wanting to give up those things would lead others to write me off as selfish or flaky and disregard whatever I'm saying. I know what others think doesn't matter but I realize I've internalized it to some degree.

For example, I've been curious about trying burlesque and I'm thinking of signing up for amateur night at a nearby venue. But I also know a lot of people wouldn't be cool with their partner doing that and I honestly think there's a tradeoff between being loved and being myself and that I can't have both.

And doing burlesque is just one example, I'm twenty-six now but I could be a totally different person at thirty-six and no longer compatible with the kind of people I date now. I fear that if I committed to another person that I would feel pressure not to change and I don't think that's fair to me but I also kind of feel I'd have an obligation to stay the person they originally committed to.

Which is why I'm asking for advice and to hear others experiences. My post is not meant to cast judgement on anyone and I kindly ask that you refrain from casting it onto me. Any well thought out advice is appreciated.

* Post edited to fix a typo.