So I'm 37, and have just within the last couple weeks realised/accepted that I do want a family.

I'm divorced, never had kids, and am midway through a total career change, which quite rightly has to take up most of my focus for the next few years at least.

I'm not dating currently. I am/was fairly content with that - I will occasionally venture onto the dating apps and very occasionally go on a date, but really I don't have time to nurture a new relationship or give a good man the time and attention he deserves. Dating in your later 30s is also mostly just not that great an experience 🤣

I've been catching myself remembering experiences or funny things from my childhood involving my parents or siblings etc, and being floored by the realisation that I won't be in anyone's memories like that, and that I won't get to give a child those kinds of experiences and memories. It's like I'm grieving a life I never had.

I feel like because of my age and my choice to start over again career-wise, and my dating pool being quite small (I'm rural), that I'm losing the chance to be part of a family. I don't even necessarily mean kids of my own - I never saw myself having bio kids but acknowledge my potential child-bearing years are drawing to a close - but being part of a blended family unit as a step parent or something similar. I want that, and I don't feel like I'm on a path to giving myself that chance.

I know that I am lucky in so many other ways and I don't have things nearly as bad as some people do. But I still can't help but be sad, feel grief, and sometimes like I've made a huge mistake.

I also don't find it easy to speak about this kind of stuff with people and don't have a massive support network anyway, which I guess is why I'm posting! It's so easy to feel like you're the only one experiencing or going through something. I guess I'm hoping that posting here will give me some comfort, even if I end up deleting. Has anyone else experienced similar feelings? How did you cope/rationalise?