I have a group of 3 female friends (4 of us total) that communicate a good bit via group chat. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from the group and I feel like it kind of culminated last night/this morning.

One of the women is in the process of settling into a new home and lives in a different part of town. The other 2 live together as roommates and they live very close to me.

Recently I have been trying to hang out more with the ones close to me. On Friday they were talking about going to the pool in their neighborhood and I told them I was interested…just to let me know when. That never happened. Apparently there were other people they were trying to coordinate with as well. Oh well no big deal.

On Saturday I had plans in the morning that they knew about bc I had been talking about it. I just did my own thing the rest of the day and didn’t really put anything in the chat.

Today I connected with one of them and we have plans to meet up later. In the process of our chat I asked what she did yesterday and she tells me the two of them plus a couple other friends outside the group chat came over and went to the pool and had a great time.

I’m happy for them but feeling really left out. Like, it feels like they specifically didn’t invite me. I have mentioned many times wanting to spend time at the pool.

One of the friends they did invite is someone I know (Jane). I see Jane rarely but the last couple times I’ve seen her I felt like maybe she was a little cold to me. I actually asked one of the people in the core group if I had done something wrong and she actually checked with Jane and let me know that nothing was wrong - just my imagination and if she was cold it was unintentional.

I’m just feeling really weird about this. I don’t expect to be invited to every hang out especially when it’s something the roommates are doing. But they invited outside people to do something I’ve been talking about a lot. It feels like they made the decision to not invite me.

I feel like I want to express my feelings when I see one of the roommates later today. If I did something to annoy them or something like that I’d rather know. I’ve talked to the group a lot about radical honestly in relationships and how I wish former partners had given me that. And I feel the same about friendships.

What do you think? Am I over reacting? Should I say something?

Update: I looked back at my text messages to the roommates and I told one of them I was planning to hang with a boy that night…so she prob assumed I was already busy. It still would have been nice to get the invite (and honestly, I probably would have been able to do both) but I guess this is not really an issue considering I told her I had plans…. I guess I have some other friendship related insecurities right now.. for example, I’m trying to plan a trip and I’m not really getting much of a response from many people and it’s making me wonder if people just don’t wanna hang out with me. And some dating insecurities (being ghosted and unmatched by people and I’m not sure why). I think all my insecurities seem to be coming to a head lately.