This is gonna be long as fuck and I already know the advice//responses I'm gonna get but I'm really upset right now and I don't need to hear about how stupid I am, I already know I've been letting him treat me like ass, but I'm dealing with a potential breakup and I need support.

Context: been seeing this guy since September, we aren't serious but exclusive, we meet up once a week and we talk throughout the week. He uses the term girlfriend, bought me pillows (bc I said his pillows were basically napkins and impossible to sleep on), introduced me to his kids and his brother, made it seem like it was a huge deal to sleep over when his kids were home, he gets mad when I don't respond to him for a day or two but then ignores me, we've both talked about how we don't see us working out long term but we like what we have going. He's done all the couple shit, we did go out on dates in the beginning but he now works two jobs & 7 days a week, has full custody of his kids during the week and then goes home and takes care of all the home duties. But we always made sure to see each other Fridays and we talked at least 4-5 days a week. We consider ourselves dating but not seriously dating. He's done dumb shit like ignore me when he's mad BC he knows it bothers me and he's also just a coward and doesn't want to deal w shit or if he doesn't know what to say he just says nothing. He's very petty and plays games that I honestly never even had my ex who was only 23 play. This guys FORTY YEARS OLD.

I'm so angry at myself for being as old as I am (33F) and letting this fucknut (40M) make me feel so worthless. I feel like I'm never enough for anyone. I'm not good enough for anyone to actually put Effort in. he's been treating me like I'm the last thing he cares about for the last few weeks. I feel like shit and it makes me feel like shit. Mainly because I don't know why. And I can't seem to get a fuckin answer. We used to talk fairly often, now I'm lucky if its once or twice a week. Two Fridays ago I decided not to go over bc he said he had 4 hrs of sleep and was exhausted but I could still come and he felt bad, I said I didnt want to go if it was going to seem like having sex was an obligation just bc it's Friday, that's dries me right the fuck up. He said when he's tired he gets cranky and pissy and doesn't feel like doing anything & he was sorry he hasn't been exciting in bed lately. I said that wasn't it, it seemed more like he couldn't care less if we fucked or if he saw me at all. No response. I called him out. He said sry about last night. So tired. Then nothing again. Days went by. I said something again and he said you do the same shit to me, we were talking Sunday n you just stopped answering and didn't text me back till Wednesday. That's bc he responded to me asking wtf with "what was the question?" I was pissed.

Then he says sorry I've just been working a ton lately. And I've been so tired at the end of the day. I've been asleep by 10pm. Like wtf??? You never had any issues finding time to text me before?? Bullshit excuse. I said okay and DIDNT HEAR SHIT AGAIN FOR DAYS. Friday comes. I say hi. He says hi and immediately "you're gonna hate me today too..." He had to work on cleaning out this other house he had to demo. I said it seems like you're avoiding me and I sent him shit about how you make time for someone you wanna talk to or you wanna see. He said nothing. I called him out again. He said sry. Don't know what to say at the moment. So I said nothing. I told him he's been an asshole to me lately. He says "have I been?" I said you've barely spoken to me. He's like I just decided to work Friday. So not only was his "I have to do this bc I'm so behind and its the only free day I have to do it" bullshit, he DECIDED he'd rather work than see me.

I tell him he's barely been texting me the last few weeks. He says ummm...I feel like I hardly text anybody. Idk. I never have anything to say. I live the same day over and over. Nothing ever changes. I told him well yeah we're adults and nothing super exciting happens often but wtf does that have to do w anything? We talked before...?? You had no trouble before finding time to at least talk a few days a week. And now I'm not even getting that and I think I deserve to know why.

Either he's no longer interested, He's met someone else (bc if he's not giving me the attention he's giving it to someone else) or I honestly don't know bc hes such a coward he doesn't tell me. I even said it seems like youre just seeing how much you can ignore me before I go away.

Why am I never worth the effort? Why is it that no matter what the situation, I'm just not enough? Good enough to fuck but not good enough to date Or love. I feel like such a fucking moron. I feel weak. I feel stupid. I feel like I should just give up. I just keep crying and idk how to stop. I'm not in love with him, I'm not having fantasies of some beautiful relationship. He's not the guy I'd want a future with for a lot of reasons. But I still deserve my feelings to be valid. How can someone know that you're hurting it that they're hurting you, and continue to do it? Continue to do the same fucking shit you're telling them is bothering you? No respect. Doesn't care. I'm nothing to him. Despite (I'm not listing more so don't worry) A LOT of things that he made sure made me think otherwise. He's the one throwing around girlfriend/boyfriend, talking about potential babies, how our lives would be if we lived together, etc. I changed the subject with that shit. he's done and said everything to make be believe the opposite and now its like he yanked it away and idk what happened Or what I did wrong. But its more the way he's making me feel than him individually.

Thanks for reading.