This is sort of an update post to one that I made before

I think I really messed up.I recently realised I had developed a crush on a friend of mine.

Some background about me because this is important to why I want to take a step back.I'm 19 and I have anxiety.I was diagnosed about 2 years ago.I ended up missing a month of school back when it first started because most days I was too afraid to even leave the house.Since then I've more or less gotten it under control to the point where I havent had a panick attack in nearly a year.

It does still exsist though and can be especially relevant in social situations.I find talking to people to be nerve wrecking and I struggle to talk about myself and things I enjoy,this is probably due to a lot of consistant bullying from age 7-16

I ended up meeting this girl a few months ago.She was really easy for me to talk to and I didnt feel nervous around her.I ended up developing a crush on her.

I had planned to tell her but last week I was hanging out with her and some other friends and she mentioned that she had a crush on one of her other friends who wasnt there at the time.I took this to mean that she wouldnt be interested in me if I told her and decided I was just gonna move on and try to remain friends.

I thought I was moving on ok but today was the first time I'd seen her since she said that and I was totally nervous around her to the point where I could feel parts of myself going numb which used to sometimes happen before I had a panick attack.I dont know why I feel this way now when I know I dont have a chance and never did before when I still thought there was a chance but I do.

I've been really nervous all day today because I know I'm gonna see her in class again tomorrow.I dont want my anxiety to get worse so I think I want to distance myself from her for a while so I can get my emotions in check.I feel that either way I'm gonna have to tell her how I feel because I want to be honest with her about why I want to step back for a bit which is making me more nervous

I want to tell her this but I dont want to hurt her or make her feel bad.She knows I have anxiety(she actually does too) so I think she'll understand but I really dont want to upset anyone

How should I tell her this?I dont want her to think shes done anything wrong or that this is her fault.I feel like I'm handling this awfully and I dont want to end up becoming toxic or anything like that