After my last abusive relationship ended suddenly in one of the worst ways you could imagine, 5 months later I'm informed he's found someone new and moved in with them, while I suppose I was still hoping for reconciliation. 3 years of time having moments, money spent bettering him (put him through police school after formerly being a lazy pothead) while I struggled through depression/health issues and him looking down on me for not being super strong and happy, and I was only worth 5 months. We had even been trying for a baby (stupid, I know). She even has a young kid, when he used to say he'd never date anyone with kids.

I thought what we had was so special, but I'm firm in my decision now to decenter men completely... All they do is take and discard you when they're done. I know that there are some "good" men out there, but firstly, it's like a finding a needle in a haystack (and my eyesight isn't that great), and secondly, it seems like the definition of "good" is muddied more than ever now. Maybe he's just sneaky about his bad. And 99% of men are definitely not feminists, even when they claim to be.

So, how do you decenter men? Especially ones who broke your heart. Any advice/stories/tips on decentering? I grew up extremely male-identified (barely missed being an NLOG). I've been trying to focus more on the women in my life, but it feels like I'm not getting there quickly enough, especially with this new piece of information setting me back. I was doing so well focusing on my goals and now it's all I can think about.

Edit: I’m in therapy. While I’d love to see this new therapist more often, her schedule is full right now, which is why I’ve turned to the internet for tips/empathy between sessions so I can hold it together. How do I go back to centering myself and focus on improving myself and get his new relationship out of my mind? Learning about it has really thrown me off of the improvements I’ve been making the past few months.

Edit 2: Thank you everyone, for your comments. I feel like I'm simultaneously having a breakdown but also feeling relief? I think I'm feeling enlightened or something (and lightheaded). It's what I've always wanted, to be able to receive sort of unbiased input on something like this. I knew I was lonely and that it was affecting me, but I didn't know how much it was affecting me.